Having A Difficult Time

Ok first I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read my story and give me any feedback. Sorry in advance for the complicated story

Starting from the beginning ... I met my now husband when I was 14 (my husband was 16 at the time) yes Im aware theres a reason 14 year old should not be in serious relationships but it's what happened so there it is. Well from the beginning his ex girlfriend was making problems trying to be my friend via internet having her family trying to add me etc. I did not live in the same area as my husband so I was not able to see what he was doing but I did read a few choice words by him to her to basically leave me alone and accept that he had moved on. Ok fast forward 3 years me and my husband moved in together and I thought were very happy. We eventually married and welcomed our first son together. 8 months into our marriage I found out he had an emotional affair with his ex girlfriend. We lived out of state for a majority of the affair but had recently made the move back to our home state and apparently was five minutes away from her (but we moved to be closer to his father which is 5 minutes away from where his girlfriend had moved). Sorry losing myself in trying to explain the story trying to give the back story. I moved 2 weeks before my husband moved with our son and I saw a message from his ex girlfriend saying they should hang out and questioned him about it at which point he replied to leave him alone basically (this is before I learned what had been going on).

Fast forward a month I learned that my husband had been having an on and off affair since we were together (flirting for the first year left each other alone for a few years then evidently worked together for a short time and picked up where they left off shared some moments at which point he moved away from where she lived. They lost contact and at some point when we moved in together reconnected after her marriage failed to the man she cheated on my husband with. Well needless to say I learned a lot of ugly details. After confronting my husband I let him know I would be spending a few days with my family . I did so and after looking at his phone saw that he had made plans with this woman but never went. After asking him about that he said he was mad that I left with my son without telling him I was leaving. This person ending up showing up at the house we were staying at and it ended in a physical altercation between myself and his ex which ultimately ended up in me filing a restraining order against her. My grandfather passed away 8 days after we went to court and I think everything just became to much so I decided to move in with my mother for a while since she was also having a difficult time with the death of her dad. Eventually after 3 months we decided to reconcile and moved away out of state.

Sometime during all this he got in contact with his ex from 4 years before the ex he cheated on me with ( so almost 6 years ago). He pretty much spilled his guts to her about everything that happened which later bit us in the butt... He lost contact with her after I asked him to just drop the ex's. Well almost a year later this ex had made a few contact attempts at him via Facebook, Youtube, Text, Email it just got ridiculous. Evidently he called her while away from home and she said the reason she wanted to speak with him is because she wanted him to know that when he broke up with her because he thought she was cheating she wasn't. She said she had a miscarriage and that is why she was acting funky and that because he had made contact with her and things were going sour with us he should go be with her and her two girls. He told her no and that he didn't want to speak with her again. She ended up trying to add all my in laws and my husband had them block her. One day I went into my message to see a message from her saying she needed to tell me something assuming I didn't know who she was. At which point I told her that we had nothing to speak about and just to leave our family alone. She then stated they have a child together and she didn't tell him because he said we were trying to work things out and she didn't want to mess it up blah blah blah an entirely different conversation then what he said they had. Well she kept ******* my husbands chain saying he put his name as the father then she just came up with the name Flores because she liked it as a last name and two separate birthdays and so on just a lot of nonsense and then when he went to her family and asked if she had ever said that he was the father she came and said she took a DNA test 3 days ago and the other guy was the father.

That was about 4 months ago and we've had a few more bumps in the road since but I just find myself being so overwhelmed with emotion like I never have time to breath and take it all in or cope before the next wave is crashing down on me. I really do want to save my marriage as we just hit our 5 year together mark and two years married but I am just finding it to be so overwhelming. We've had a more then a few fights and I just find my husband come backs a bit of a low blow I always get "Well you act like I slept with her" or "Oh yes because I'm still cheating on you every day" Im just finding it hard to figure out my next step. I myself had a split up family so Im not to in tune with how to fix things how to not be so sad or angry. I feel like Im on a constant roller coaster of emotion and 30% of the time I'm riding it alone. Anyways again I appreciate anyone who has taking the time to read this yes I'm aware it may not be grammatically correct no I'm not a moron just my mind was thinking to fast lol!
Freshstart93 Freshstart93
18-21, F
4 Responses Sep 5, 2012

Thanks my sons God mama was just telling me the same thing

Dear Freshstart93<br />
I really like your mother's advice. If you feel you are not ready to leave him, just start doing things that are going to keep you busy and things that you enjoy so that you won't have time to think about what he is doing and that will make him see you are your own person you don't need him to be happy in life. I have just started doing that and it works for me. By the time I decide to leave I won't be new to the social world out there and loneliness will not affect me at all. Join a sports club, church group or any group they always have occasions and trips to keep busy all the time.

Im pretty realistic about things. I don't want to be the woman who waits 20 years for a man to change but at the same time I'd like to leave feeling like I did all I could. I want to leave with no regrets should it come down to that. I know no matter how ugly things have been we all reserve a chance for redemption ... with that said if the knucklehead won't shape up I need to learn to let go. It would be hard but luckily I was raised by a strong mom who taught me its better to be single with your dignity than with someone that requires you to sacrifice your self respect.

I seriously think this man is no good for you....life is too short to waste it by a man that dosent have any consideration for ur emotions....the best advice for u would be to leave because he is a grown man that acts like a lil boy...its almost imposible to change a grown man....if u stay with him your going to end up having chronic stress like i did and getting sick....its obvious he dosent appreciate u...im sorry i know nobody wants to hear that......... but mija ur beautiful dont settle for less....ur wasting ur life!!!!!!