First Time Going Through This, 5 Months Prego, Is There Hope?

First thing I notice is that everyone has their own different situation and story, I feel like mine is just as unique. It's such a long story and so many things play into it. I've been with my fiance for going on 2 years, i suffered from a lot of problems with myself and depression, I also had a daughter that i was struggling to take care of. I began a long distance relationship with my fiance, he lived in Missouri, I lived in Pennsylvania. I struggled with the will to live even with meds and counceling, i decided i needed to get out of my situation, my surroundings so i moved to Missouri to try to start over and help find myself. Fast forward....I was off of medication, i was finding my happiness, still in my daughters life, talking to her all the time and planning trips, i finally had my own space, a decent job and things were finally falling into place. My in-laws are an amazing blessing from God, I became closer to God and felt i had really broken from the chains that held me down so much when i lived in PA. We were in love, had plans of marrying in the next few years when we had more money to have the wedding we really wanted. And after pouring out more of my fears to my fiance of having another baby and going through depression and being scared, he reassured me this is what he wants and what we want and it going to be ok. We got pregnant the first try and miscarried shortly after, i had gotten pregnant again the 2nd month after and i am now 18 weeks pregnant and healthy so far, we had our little ups and downs, but as far as i could see and what he even told his family, This baby and I meant everything to him, the very last thing he would have wanted was to lose us. He had a first child that was hidden from him and given up for adoption, and then he had the miscarriage, so i know how important this was. Fast forward... about 1 month ago i went back to PA to visit my daughter for the week, being in PA, at my mothers, where my daughter lives, holds a lot of pain, their life style is a mess and i'm sensitive to that, he hadnt been paying much attention to me and i was getting frustrated when he was tired and i could talk to anyone to get my frustration out, said and done, i left him messages that werent so nice. he called me later in histerics, talking about breaking up, what will happen with the baby and my things, he got to the real problem, which was that he had been talking to another woman, it was an ex he was with off an on for a few months from 5 years ago. The next morning he came out and told me she had been to our home, i asked if he slept with her, he couldnt answer me, he eventually told me yes but by that time i already knew the answer. He was off and on for a few days of what he wanted, this woman was married, he barely knew her and came into his life from 5 years ago. One of the last days of this mess of going back and forth saying he still wanted to be with me, and even told me to tell his family we will be getting back together, he told me he was choosing the other woman. He said very hateful things to me to try to get me to leave, to get me to hate him so i would leave him alone to make things easier on him, he has told me this was the reasoning of why he said these things. I came back to the apartment the next day he was gone at work to gather things and get things together since i was convinced we were done, i had a lot since i mostly brought and bought everything to make our home, i txted him and told him i wasnt done and to leave my things alone and i would be back the next day for the rest. Fast forward, he came home from work, saw all of my things packed, all of the baby things, and our memories, i had torn and ruined quite a few things that i had boughten and even made personally from him. Before i knew it, he was calling me on the phone crying, begging me and apologizing, the sight and reality of everything had popped him back into reality into everything he was losing. its so hard because i wasnt expecting this, he was someone different, and his family who has known him his life would say the same, he claims he never wanted to be this type of person, this girl reconnected and messaged him over facebook, he was not looking for her. and this all happened over the course of a week it was kind of over fast but the repercussions are lasting much longer. It's so difficult to understand, he doesnt drink, or do drugs, or even use tobacco, he never even looks at other woman and has no interest in ****. and before her, he never even contimplated breaking up with me. its like he just had a mental breakdown. I think its painful for him, but he is trying to block it out, its not all that easy for me but him blocking it out is making it worse, i need to see his pain and remorse from this. It's just tough and i dont know where to begin, i've had reaccuring nightmares about it, my moods are up and down, but i do see improvement all the time. but i feel he has a lot to work on with himself. I feel he needs to grow up more and i'm praying that will happen when the baby comes, i know some men can get crazy when babies are coming and their lives are changing in front of them, but i need hope in that things can be ok, we were the love of each others lives and the both of us just want that back, but there is still just so much that i still dont understand.
amandaf amandaf
22-25, F
1 Response Sep 14, 2012

If I were in your situation I'd give him one more chance, but do find out what caused him to stray in the first place. He will need to agree to giving you access to all of his email accounts etc and rebuild the trust. If he stays on the straight and narrow great if not move on.