Can't Stop Texting The A-hole.

It's been 2 weeks since I last saw the future father of my child. He went off to school in another town, while I finish my last year of college in my home town. 2 weeks, and then I get a call at 4:30 am. He's accidentally butt-dialed me, and I can hear him with another woman. I hang up, give him a text saying we're through, and spend the rest of the night waiting for him to reply. The next day, during class, I finally receive an answer, he feels like ****, he admits it right away. Lying about what brought him to her house at 4 am, but still, admitting he did wrong. I already, at this point, miss him so much, and I am going through a roller coaster ride of emotions. "Yes I'll forgive him! No, he's an *** who doesn't deserve me! I'll do better without him! I want him so bad!" I text him he's missed out on a family, me and our future daughter. I spend the rest of the day waiting for his reply, once again in vain. I call at 10:00 pm. No answer. The next day, he finally calls, saying this needed to happen, to make him realize I am the only one he wants. To make him realize how much I love him. I hang up, don't answer, for about 3 hours.
I tell him later, that if he wants to be with me, he needs to prove he is really going to live for me and our daughter. That we will be his first priority, and nothing else. He says he'll do anything. So I give him this ultimatum, either he can leave school and come home to be with me, or he can stay there and live his life free without me. I can't learn to trust him again, if he's hours away. I have no reason to trust him, I need proof that he really wants to make this work. I imagined that he would automatically pick school over me. But instead he sits, and stares at me. Looking as if he is actually considering me... he says the choice is too hard. And he needs time. Sure, okay.
But now, I can't stop harassing him about an answer. It's only been 2 days!! Why can't I just find the strength to put my damn phone down, quit calling him, quit sending texts, begging him to pick me?!? I'm suppose to be mad. I'm suppose to be selling his belongings, and storming around, cursing him. I should be giving HIM the silent treatment. He should be the one on his hands and knees, begging to come home! Begging for my forgiveness. Instead I sit by my phone, hating every text that isn't from him. He hasn't answered anything I've said, and I've said some pretty desperate things. I can't stop texting the a-hole. I'm so lost. So sad. This is my first boyfriend, my only boyfriend. My fiance, the father of the baby kicking in my stomach. I feel like I need him. He got caught, has he done this before? Will he again? These aren't the main thoughts in my head. I just want to hear from him. :( I just want him to call or answer one of my many many texts. I can't forgive him, but I can't help wanting to at the same exact time. I've never had a heart brake. I've had depression on and off again since I was 11. This is, unbearable. I want to run away from everything. I want his memory, to be out of my head. I want him home. I want to be in his arms right now. It's hard to believe it. That this is happening. I have to let him go right? I have to be stronger... tomorrow I'll try not to text him. Tonight I wont. The next hour I wont text him. Lol. I'm so desperate. I'm so confused. He's such an *******.
cnk91 cnk91
18-21, F
3 Responses Sep 21, 2012

Focus on your life ! And Ask yourself who is more important in your life.... ! he or you ?
if i were you i would give true value to people who deserve... if he has already walked away there is no guarantee he will not do this again ...

Turn off the phone and put it some place you can't see it. Find something to do to occupy your time. Something you enjoy. You're stressing yourself out here and that's not good for you or the baby. If he wants you then he'll know a way to reach you. You're trying to convince him to stay when it should be the other way around. You deserve better then that and so does your baby. Don't you think so? He shouldn't need time to think about it. If what he says is true and he's so sorry then he should know the answer right then and there. Don't sink into depression, stay strong if not for yourself then for your baby. You're mama bear now with him or with out him you are still mommy so you need to stay strong. Cry. Do whatever you need to to get it out but don't sink into depression.

You are not the only one going through this. I just found out that my boyfriend, the guy that I was going to marry, that I have been with 3 1/2 years, was living a double life and seeing someone else for the last 2 years!! When all of his lies came out, he flipped out and ended up in the psych ward at the hospital. It is now Sat and he was discharged Thursday evening. As much as I hate him for what he has done, there is a part of me that is yearning for a phone call or text from him, even though I am so angry!! I think it is just because that is what we are so used to. You can be strong though, and not text him! No one deserves to be cheated on and he needs to know that. By being so available, it almost makes the behavior acceptable and something he will think if he got away with it once, he can probably get away with it again. It sucks, but be strong!