I Don't Think I Can Do This.

I met my husband when I was sixteen, I'm now thirty-six. In the past I have caught him on adult dating sites, but he always talked his way out of it. He took a buyout from Nissan five years ago, and went back to school. He couldn't find a job in his chosen field so he went to work for WalMart. I caught him talking to someone that worked there, but he said that they had only had an inappropriate friendship and hadn't slept together. During this time period we were loosing our house to foreclosure so it was very very stressful. Fast forward to march of this year.. I broke my ankle and had to have metal plates and 10 screws put in. I was in a wheelchair until early July because of the extensive damage done to it. Around May I realized that he was hiding his cell phone, staying late at the gym, and he started sleeping on the sofa (he said it was because he didn't want to bump my leg). He left in June and went to stay at my best friend's mothers house so that we could work on our relationship without being underneath each other, or so he said. While there he started staying away all night, sometimes two or three nights a week. In early august he sent a text to my bf phone which her husband had at the time. He asked if her husband was at home. Her husband found it strange that at 2 in the morning my husband was sending her text messages so he answered that no he wasn't. My husband (Howard) proceeded to ask if she wanted to have some fun. Her husband asked what he meant and a reply was sent telling "her" that he wanted to f&ck her and always had. He ended getting kicked out of there the next day and has since been staying with my nephew and his family. He lives with them for free but only pays me minimal child support. I have told my nephew how much that hurts me, but he said that he didn't want to get in the middle of it. I see it as he has gotten in the middle of it. He told them that I was crazy and that he didn't have a girlfriend. My sister saw them at a comedy club and took a picture as well as loudly telling them that they should be ashamed of themselves for cheating on their spouses. When my nephew saw the picture and realized that he had been lied to he did nothing. They are waiting until both of their divorces are final. Ours in final in October and hers in November. They met at work and had been seeing each other for months. I have copies of his bank statements that show where he takes her out to eat at expensive restaurants and out to concerts, movies, and comedy shows.He even took her kid to chucky cheese. His kids sit here wondering where he is because he only spends about five hours a week with them. They are 17,11, and 9 years old. He has totally turned his back on them. I had to nag him to buy them shoes, and even then he wanted to buy them the cheapest shoes that he could so that it didn't take money away from her or her kid. When he does feed them it is dollar burgers and nothing else. I have tried to work on our marriage, but he is insisting that he doesn't love me and never wanted to marry me in the first place. He wants to sign a no cohabitation clause, which makes me wonder if he ever plans to have the kids for overnight visits. I can see wanting away from me if she makes him happy, but he has pretty much walked away from our kids also. Is that normal? Do men walk away from their own kids and treat the girlfriends kids better? I feel like my head and heart are about to explode. One part of me feels angry that he has done this to our family, but the other part of me says that he is the man that I chose to spend my life with and I love him. Is that normal?
jeefer76 jeefer76
1 Response Sep 23, 2012

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. My first thought was that your husband has self esteem issues because of not finding work in his field, and losing the house. Even though he is saying that he never loved you, that may not be the case. My husband said the same thing because his lust for the other woman had blinded him so much that he couldn't see anything else but her. He even said that she was his soul mate. Well, that was over a year ago. He know realizes that it was only lust, and that he's in love with me. Their affair only lasted two months. It took me fighting like hell to win him back. I won him back by getting him away from her to break the spell she had over him. I did that by attempting suicide which I don't recommended ( yes I really wanted to die!), once he was physically with me I transformed my body to be better than hers, gave him better sex, got other men to chase me, and turned the tables on him. He began to fight for me. Guess what it worked!