How Do You Get Over It?

I know what happened, I saw it with my own eyes. I was shocked, furious, disappointed, sad, hurt. All in once. I thought it was over. It should have been, anyone would pack their things and leave. But I didn't.

It has been 8 months now. And things are better. We are even thinking of starting a family. And I would love to be a mom, but then the doubts start to well up, and I get paranoid. I start to think of that night, and I just cannot stop thinking of what if it happens again. What if he does it again, and now it would not only be me he would disappoint, but also his baby.

So we are fighting again. I snooped through his phone and visa bills, looking for something. And not really finding anything. He was livid to say the least.

But I wish he could just stand in my shoes for one second and know what it feels like to have your heart broken into pieces.

How do you get over that? How do you let it go and move one? Can you ever trust the person again? Is the saying true: Once a cheater always a cheater?
I hate that saying, and never thought I would apply it to him. I really do love him, but when does this feeling stop? When do you look at him again with admiration and not disappointment? I miss him. I miss the person I fell in love with. And he says the same. Is there any hope, or should we just cut our losses and move on? I don't know. Why is it so bloody hard?????
DandGlightblue DandGlightblue
31-35, F
1 Response Nov 30, 2012

i dont think you need to explain yourself to him. he is the one who broke the trust and made a choice to cheat. He now needs to be able to handle the consequences of his undertaking that choice. If you NEED FULL DISCLOSURE from him on order to help heal your own pains...the he should give that and be able to understand thats what happens when you break someones trust. he gave up the priviledge of your automatic trust the moment he engaged in a indiscretion.
If he isnt capable or willing to comply with what you need to help you BOTH move forward then thats a reality you will have to accept.
and then...YOU are the one with the choice...either you remain suspicious and untrusting and allow him to have the power to dictate to YOU what he is or isnt going to do to help the relationship heal and you accept that for your life (and possibly a babys)
OR...you decide that continuously living in a state of fear and distrust is not the life you want to live and you move on.
It IS his perogative to decide what he will or will not comply with...but its your perogative to do what you will with that knowledge. Most relationships take at least 2 years before any sense of "trust" can be even remotely restored and that only happens with BOTH spouses doing what they need to help each other. he probably wants you to "get over it"....but it is what it is, right?
good luck.