My True Love

I met my boyfriend online and I don't know why I agreed to meet him, I had only meet one other person via an online website but I knew them just had never talked to them before. Anyway we only talked for like 2 weeks online and we met at his house. He lived with his mom, dad, and sisters. I thought he was amazing, he is from Brazil and he had this whole new perspective on life. The way he talked and thought just amazed me and soon enough I couldn't get enough of him. Only a couple days after we met he invited me to a family party so I could me his mom and dad. It was a big night for him he said that he never let girls meet his parents and it made me feel good about myself because I am the bring home to mom type of girl. He had been hurt before and had been cheated on numerous times so he was scared, especially with me because I had admitted to him that I had been unfaithful to my ex but I had felt horrible about and the next day I told him about what happened and obviously he ended the relationship which I deserved. We talked and were together almost every day for two months. I did everything I could to show how much I cared about him. I bought him anything he wanted, I did everything for him. I would drop everything for him whenever he needed me to. He used to tell me how I am too nice and how he couldn't believe there is a girl like me out there. He made me so happy and made me feel so special something I did not ever feel with anyone else. On Valentines day I drew him a card and wrote inside about how I would wait until he was ready and he said he was that he wanted us to be together. We were so happy together we always laughed and couldn't get enough of each other. I slept over almost every night I basically lived at his house. I love his family I finally felt like I had a family of my own. Then I went on vacation with my entire family he had work and he could not come. He said he lost his phone we could only talk on facebook for a couple minutes here and there, I was miserable that whole week. I never missed someone as much as I did that week. Even my family could tell and they wanted me to have him come up but he couldn't he said he couldn't get out of work. When I came home after that we were supposed to see eachother that night but he was ignoring me, he wasn't answering me so I went to my cousins and then just went home and fell asleep. The next morning I was sad and upset and he told me he was sorry and after work I went right there and when we had sex he said I was "loose" and I had to have done something to myself to feel like that. He made me feel like I had done something wrong but I hadn't. I swore on everything that I hadn't done anything and I had no idea what it could have been and I still don't know what happened. He said he believed me that he knew I wouldn't but I felt it from him. He stopped trusting me then and I tried every day to gain back the trust that we had even though I had not done anything wrong. He broke up with me for like a hour and then was all like I love you and your everything Im sorry I know you didn't do it. So we were back together but he still didn't trust me. He started going through my facebook and cellphone. He called everyone in my recent calls that the numbers were not saved at 1 in the morning to only find it was some of my cousins and aunts. Our relationship has not been the same sense but for some reason he is still the only person I want to be with. He makes me happy. We moved in together after only 6 months of being together, we knew it was fast but his family was moving to florida and he was staying up here just for me. But when we moved in together he was acting weird. Out all night, taking phone calls outside, or turning his phone off when he was with me. He wouldn't take me anywhere in public and if we did he'd walk at least 5 feet in front of me. I started to think he just didn't want me and I told him he could leave if he wanted as long it was what he wanted. He disappeared for a few nights and then came back and told me he got hooked on pills and needed me to helphim get straight. He said he was so sorry, he was crying so of course i dropped everyto help him get straight. I stayed up all night with him as he cried in pain from withdrawls, did what he needed me to do worked two jobs so that we could afford our apartment, and eventually we got passed it. We were great for a little while he was making me smile again I was number one in his life then he started ignoring me agian. He disappeared for 2 weeks and then his friend told me he was cheating on me. I texted him and asked him to come get his stuff and leave. He came home crying swearing he was not cheating on me but after a long day he ended up in the hospital I had his phone and found videos of him having sex with this other girl. He later came home and told me how sorry he was that he couldn't believe what he was doing. He had a relationship with her for 4 months behind my back. The best part is he told everyone we broke up. The worst part is that she knew about me and even asked him why he was with her because I was beautiful and was going somewhere in life. Anyways after fighting and yelling and talking I decided to stay with him because I am 7 weeks pregnant. He has been trying but I cant get past it. Can anyone give me advice please, I'm so confused and I dont know what to do anymore.
1 Response Jan 5, 2013

BRIZK13, I have been down that road many times. Always making excuses for man not good for me because I thought I wasn't good enough for anything better than abusive relationships, erratic behavior and feeling like a doormat to every man that would take me in. I was afraid of being alone (I always had to be dating/sleeping/obsessing over someone) and it took one mistake of a marriage and a terribly painful divorce to slap me into reality and realize that I can do better. You are a young woman with her entire life ahead of you.

You're not confused. You're afraid.

Focus on you and what's best for your child - regardless of what this loser tries to convince you - and build a life without this poor excuse of a man. Go to school, get your finances straight (your kid will depend on it), surround yourself with people that love you and demand respect...from yourself and everyone else's respect will follow. Once you love yourself, you will know what you deserve and attract it. A

As far as the Brazilian bozo: 1.) limit your communication with him. I know you are expecting a baby but this person is not ready to be the MAN you need him to be (sounds like just a ***** donor at this point) 2.) write down a list (sounds like you'll need several pages) of WHY this relationship is unhealthy. Make note of how bad he makes you feel every time he pulls another fast one on you and why you deserve BETTER 3.) have your friends/family make you accountable for your interaction with this guy and the role you let him have in your life. You can't control him. But you can control how you act.

Best of luck and remember - learn to love yourself before going into another relationship. Your kid will thank you for it.