Waste And Want.

My husband & I have been together for 12 years married for almost 3. I'm going to be 35 this week and we are in the middle of separating. A week before Christmas I found out for sure that he was cheating on me with random strangers on craigslist. I had suspected as much, but was so very desperate not to believe that I ignored my instincts. This was a place that we had been before. About 5 years ago I found email correspondance with someone he had met online. It did not seem that they had done anything, but the were panning to. When I confronted him about it. He said that it was nothing & that he was just using it to fantasize. I asked him if he want to try an open relationship & he said no. He was very adamant that an open relationship was not what he wanted. We work through it & rebuilt trust. We decided to get married. Over the last year our relationship had grown comfortably numb. There was no real passion even though I tried so desperately to make him interested. Sexting & emails. Surprise ********. Anything I could do to make him see me as a sexual person. To remind him that I needed him. None of this seemed to do the trick. I came to bed one night 2 weeks before Christmas & he reached for me. We kissed & touched & I thought this was a turning point. The we were coming back to each other again. And the very next week I found an email that said the following. "Hey, I'm here watching ****. You were here before, do you want to come over?" I knew then that we were over. That I couldn't stay I continue thinking that we were ever going to be what thought we were. When I finally confronted him, I didn't have much to say other than he wasn't attracted to me anymore. That he hadn't been since before we got married. He loved me but maybe we should try that open marriage thing. I laughed & told him that you need trust for that. I'm still in the same apartment sleeping in the same bed. My new place won't open up until next month. This is like torture. We talk like nothing has changed, I cook for him. I find the things that he's lost for him. I do his laundry! I've also been hiding a lot by sleeping. Last night he came to bed upset. When I asked him what the matter was he said he was going to have to drop his health insurance because he couldn't afford it when I left. I have not lost it on him this entire time, but that just took the cake. I asked him if I was supposed to feel guilty about that. I told him that the worst part about this was all he cared about was the financial end of this. That I was more that his roommate, I was his wife & that it hurt me when he didn't seem to be remotely sad about loosing me. I guess why I'm writing all this down is I need to be heard. I need not to feel so alone. I know I'm not the only person that this has happened to, but it feels like it.
Crystalbluefae Crystalbluefae
31-35, F
1 Response Jan 9, 2013

I can sympathize with your story...I am in the exact same place really...though it is my wife that did the cheating. She to ois upset about her financial situation post separation...and seems to only care about that. So far I have kept my cool...but I desperately want to say to her 'WTF did you expect?'

It's like an extra slap in the face. It just makes me feel that all I was worth was my half of the bills.

I totally understand. I feel similarly...but try not to feel that way. Ultimately this is about your spouses weakness...not your own.