Grab Your Coffee Cause This Isn't Short

My fiance and i have been together almost two years now. When we got together he was married (i know, i know) but he already told her he wanted a divorce. He was very smooth and the life he was saying he wanted with me was something i never had before, so i slept with him. A week later he moved out and they began the divorce process. For about 5 months we were on again off again. We never broke up more than a week at a time and we were still sleeping together. Finally i told him we were either gonna be together or we weren't. We decided to make it official. 4 days later i found out i was pregnant. When I was about two months pregnant i talked to his exwife...cried to her is more like it...i apologized for everything i put her through and told her she didn't deserve that and i hoped we could get along. Crying, she hugged me and told me that meant so much to her. Not too much longer after that i began finding texts on his phone to his exgirlfriend (who lived two states away) that were very inappropriate and i confronted him. He stopped engaging in the conversations but didn't stop her from talking to him like that. After bit**ing about it for a few months he told me they were just friends and that i'd have to deal with it...so i did. They continued their friendship and i still complained but it didn't do any good. After i had my son, he had accepted a friend request from a girl he worked with. I asked him about it and he said it meant nothing they were just friends. After thinking about it i realized she was an exgirlfriend of one of my exboyfriends. I told him i was uncomfortable with them being friends and he deleted her. I asked if they had talked any and he said he said "hi" but that was it i asked to see the messages but he said no because he deleted them. When my son was 3months we moved out of state. Two months after moving he got a random text at midnight from a random girl. I asked who she was and he said she was a friend and that she was a lesbian. Something didn't sit right with me and after fighting about it for a month i asked for all passwords to all accounts. I logged on to his FB and saw all the deleted messages to the second girl. In the messages he said "it's a good thing you left the boss came by and that would have been hard to explain....i wish you would have come back" obviously i had an issue but he still maintains that nothing was going on. I have tried to talk to her but she ignores every message i send. Another deleted message was to the third girl saying he sent her a message on myspace. I didn't have the password for that cause he said he didn't remember it but the message was about music. I tried the same one he used for FB and it worked. The message was NOT about music! He said he wanted to "hook up" and to give him a call. I threw the computer down in front of him with the message pulled up and said "deny it" he stared at me blankly and was very apologetic. There were two months between the MSpce message and the random text (the mspce message wasn't even read) but he said that he had no contact with her other than those two messages and nothing physical happened. She actually blocked me on FB, i have never met this girl in my life! I have told him I'm gonna give him another chance, but i just don't know if i can. If he would just tell me the truth i could move on but i can't get it all out of my head. I have done everything for him and made every compromise i shouldn't have made. I do love him and he is good in a lot of ways but i have had an effed up life and i deserve to be happy. Is it even possible to get over this? I have tried to confide in him, but when i do we fight.
An Ep User An EP User
3 Responses Jan 13, 2013

I know he did cheat on me cause i'm not an idiot. There is too much evidence pointing to guilty! I have found so much out and every time i look again, i find more. I decided as of December to give him one more chance to either take me and leave them or take them and leave me, i am too good of a girlfriend to be wasted on a fool! (Just the facts) But he has had a hard life, still no excuse, and he was just coming out of a 7yr marriage so i can see why he would want to "sew wild oats" BUT if he wanted to do that he shouldn't have jumped out of one serious relationship into another, and i shouldn't have let him, and jumped off that cliff too. I am very aware that i did this to myself in a sense, so please don't think i think i'm innocent

Lady, the guy is a rat! If he cheats with you he'd cheat on you. Don't waste time trying to figure out what he is up to. It's obviously not good. Cut all ties and move on. I wish you the best of luck!

I know the feeling of not knowing whether to stay or to go. We love them but they seem intent on doing what they want. I am not going to judge you, but you realize that he cheated on his wife with you. What made you think that he would not do the same to you? And im not being a *****, im just asking a legitimate question. It would be lovely if they could keep their word and not flirt n mess around. Please feel free to message me...I have been through alot in regards to this matter, maybe I could offer some insight or just an ear to listen.

well i had answered that question the first time i wrote this but it got deleted and i had to rewrite it but accidently left that out. they both told me they weren't in love with eachother, they just stayed together because it was comfortable. he told me he loved and was in love with me and wouldn't do that...i wanted to believe him so i did

my biggest concern is, i find myself wanting to cheat on him back but that IS NOT going to help!

No it definitely isn't, trust me. I did alot of revenge cheating myself, and although at the time, it felt really good to do it, it isn't worth it.

Yeah, I get what you're saying, (your answer to the question) But cheating is ingrained in some people, its second nature to them. Sure he loves you, but that doesn't stop him from doing what he does. You catch him ****** up, and he's right back at it. Its funny how great a detective we become...we're sneakier than the CIA lol. Just remember that people only do to us what we allow them to. I hope things get better for you hun, I really do.