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I Will Never Know Why

In a million years I never would have guessed my husband was a cheater. It was a second marriage for both of us and the one thing that we both talked about was how happy we were to have found our soulmate. He was so attentive, love letters, small gifts for no reason, flowers. He was very romantic, when our wedding song would play he would pull me into his arms and we would dance no matter where we were or what we were doing.

Besides being a loving husband he was an amazing father to my kids. He adored them and they adored him. After years of being a single mom I finally had a "real" family. The only thing to make it complete would be a child of our own. My pregnancy was not an easy one, nothing physically wrong but somehow things just didn't feel right. We seemed to fight more than before, he was distant. Our daughter was born and I assumed what felt wrong was just pregnancy hormones.

By the time our daughter was a year old everything was back to normal, in fact even better than before. After years of my telling him that he needed to leave his job for something better he finally did. We bought a house, I started a business, he was making more money, things were perfect.

And then he got sick. Months of dry hacking coughs. Doctors told him it was pneumonia. They were wrong. He had lung cancer and a week after he was diagnosed he passed away. Our daughter was three years old, she would never know her daddy.

One year after his death, on April Fools Day of all days, I found out that he had another child. This child was collecting social security benefits from my husband. He was 10 months younger than our daughter. This boys mother was someone that we both had worked with, she pretended to be my friend when what she really was, was a ***** who slept with my husband.

It has been four years since I found out. I am still so angry, hurt, devastated. How could he have done this? Why? I will never know, I will never have answers. He is gone and I am left with this pain.
coffeemom73 coffeemom73 36-40, F 1 Response Jan 20, 2013

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I feel like crying. The closest you will get to an answer would be if you talk to that woman and ask why they were together. Only if you can or want to of course. Whatever the answer, he still cheated on you so the least you can do would be to try to not let What they did drag you down. I can't imagine how hard that must be but even imaging hurts. I'm sure she feels guilty. She probably loved him but of course that doesn't justify what they did. And I speak from experience...I'm so sorry. Even though I'm not her I feel obligated to apologize for what people like me have done. I'm so sorry. Judge me if that makes you feel better.

I don't know if she feels guilty and I honestly don't want answers from her. Nothing she says is going to help. I am positive love had nothing to do with their sexual relationship. The three of us all worked together and at times she seemed more obsessed with me than anything else. If I liked something she liked it immediately after. For example I had an online friend who sold candles, I had one on my desk. Next thing I knew she had purchased $100 worth of candles from my friend. I started scrap booking when I was pregnant, she went out and literally spent $400 on scrap booking stuff and then never used it. I just thought she was weird but she was the bosses daughter so I had to be nice. She would come up with all of these crazy jobs that only I could help her with after hours. It was weird, I really didn't like her but tolerated her. I ended up leaving the job because I just couldn't work with her but my husband stayed. Even after I left she would call me because she would say I was her only friend. There is way more to this, but again, I am confident there weren't words of love on either part. My husband hated her dad, his boss, I know his sleeping with her (at work from what she told a mutual friend) had more to do with an "F-U" to her dad and very little to do with her as a person.

I have no judgement for you or whatever your situation is or has been. I do appreciate your kind words. Thank you for taking the time reach out. :)

She sounds... unique ha. She probably did feel guilty since she payed so much attention to you; attention she probably felt you lost since your husband was with her sometimes. Well you seem pretty sure about the situation. It doesn't sound like anything serious was going on. And Thanks for not judging me :)

Unique is a word, but probably not one I would have chosen. lol Don't get me wrong, I am not in denial that there was a relationship, and any relationship has feelings but love wasn't one of them on either side. This woman has three different kids all from three different dads and more affairs than I am sure even she could count. She has issues with a dad who dismissed her as not important no matter how hard she tried to contribute to his business and out of all of her relationships no one cared enough about her to marry her even though she was so desperate for marriage. Anyway, like I said, so much more to the story and unfortunately because I worked with her every day for too many years I know much more about her than I care to. My husband would have never left me, his last dying words were that he loved me. I guess in many ways I am thankful, if I would have known about her or the child, I would have left and he would have died alone. Right now I just struggle as to when to tell my daughter that she has a half brother close in age to her. She is 8, too young now but at some point she has to know. She idolizes the dad that she has created in her heart, the imagined dad is near perfect, something no man could live up to. When she is old enough I will have to tell her and I dread the fall out from that.

Anyway, thanks for listening. It helps to feel like someone is listening, hard to open up to those close to me because they all loved him too.

I'm sure when she's older your daughter will be as strong as you :) Her imagine of her daddy won't slip if you help her keep it alive.
It's my pleasure to listen :)

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