Website Addict And Me

Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 5 years. I'm 23 and he is 25. We saw each other for 7-8 months before actually being a couple, which was great because it felt that we got to know each other really well within that time. We moved in together after 2 years and have been with each other ever since. Everything was great! Of course we'd argue about things like any other couple would but I was happy.
Then I found the websites. The secret email account. The naked photos of himself. The side I didn't know existed. Now he's a kinky man don't get me wrong and so am I, but the things that I found were out of my league. I tried to get involved to make things easier for him, but I felt too uncomfortable in doing so. I asked him to stop. BIG MISTAKE. The sneaking around got worse, the photos got dirtier and the love became less. Eventually I gave an ultimatum, in which he hasn't been back on that specific site for a while. Things died down, then I started to have a lot of trouble in my personal life which led to hormones going haywire, a lot of my frustration went out on him. When that got sorted out everything was fine, I was happier, a lot more mellow and not so tired. All of a sudden he was buying me things, being really nice, taking me on holiday... Well that spelt guilt all over it, so I checked his second phone to find a text saying to meet someone. He went on a date with another woman off a dating website on his lunch break... And it's a sleazy website aswell. I am heartbroken. He said he only went on one date and hadn't spoken to her since because he hated going on a date with someone else. He only wants me. And in all honesty he has been trying to make up ever since, but then something else came out of the wood works. He physically cannot help himself from going on all these sleazy dating sites. He gets upset coz he can't explain why he goes on these things. I'm so confused about all of this! He says her wants to go to SAS meetings and stuff but how do I know this isn't all just a game to get me to think he has a problem so this justifying him going on these sites? Now I know going on a date had nothing to with this addiction, so I asked him why. He said he was finding it harder to be with me so he went to test the waters by going on another date and found that he didn't like it and wanted to be with me. I'm so confused about all of this. Am I just reaching for something thats not there anymore, or is it worth trying to sort this out?
Gage3108 Gage3108
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 21, 2013

I can relate so much, except I am in my thirties, been doing this dance for 8 years, have a son, and am also confused. I think its an addiction on their part-and I think they manipulate us-the question is-can we live with it-because honestly-I don't believe if I look at my situation it will ever change. I also went through a rough patch-but if I look back there were always other women-even when things were good-so I am confused too-if you get clarity-pls share with me