Trust Issues

I'm in a relationship with my 13th and 15th girlfriend. They're the same person we just dated twice. I've been cheated on by every girlfriend I've ever had besides one. My current girlfriend swore to me time and time again that she'd never hurt me. Given how many times my heart has been broken i should've known better. but i just wanted to believe the lie. That things will be different this time. I've never cheated on anyone nor do i ever plan to. I feel its a horrible thing. So it's 1 day after our anniversary and she calls me telling me she has something to tell me in person. I begin worrying immediately. She hangs up without saying goodbye. When we finally do meet up, she rushes into my arms, kisses me and tell me everything will be fine. Foolishly i start believing her, She starts crying before she can even get out the words, I hold her and tell her there is nothing she can say to hurt me. She then reveals to me, she has been sleeping with her abusive ex boyfriend which to my knowledge She " Hated" She bursts into tears again, Instead of even figuring out my own emotions i console her. Telling her i forgive her, lying through my very teeth. That was 3 years ago, since that day she has broken up with me to pursue her ex. only after he turned her down did she return to be with me. Broken hearted and full of stupidity i accepted her back, since then she flirts with guys letting them know how much she "Wants them". Even Now, I still don't fully trust her. I worry some parts of me can never trust her. I don't think in a relationship I'll ever be able to trust anyone..
Harisu Harisu
18-21, M
2 Responses Jan 31, 2013

I really do understand what you mean. You really think that's whats best? I just don't wanna feel like i wasted 3 years you know?

you need to leave that girl. i've been cheated on by damn near all of my boyfriends except for one. so i know exactly how bad it hurts. you obviously have deep feelings for this girl but in this case i think you should let her go. you're too young to let that end the possibility of love in your life. I'm older than you and trust me when i say this: THERE ARE PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA. what you want to do is put your foot down, what you need to do is let her **** it up for her, but dont let her **** it up for someone in the future that may be a better girl with a good heart and real feelings for you. i hope you make up your mind and realize that you have time.

I've thought about it so many times. So many days i stand up and wonder about what life would be like with someone else. But i've given too much to just give in you know? Even Now She's telling me about how some guy is telling her how " he wishes he was with her" instead of telling him he should look elsewhere, they're going to the movies! She's telling me ( I believe she's trying to make me jealous. childish i know) How she thinks he's a sweetheart. If things keep up at this rate I may have to listen to you. Thanx For The help. It means more than you'll ever know.

it's important to know, i've been in 5 yr and a 4 yr relationship before so i know what you mean when you feel like you've given your all and you dont want to give that all to someone else, but even if you just be single for a while take a break from her to get your mind right and to not think about all the petit games she's playing with your heart. that's not cute, nor cool. cut the games and focus on more imptortant things in life, hang out with some friends, go out a little. let go of this crap, because it's dragging you down.