When does the heartache go away? It's been a year and 7 months since I found out he destroyed our marriage, and it still hurts.
Missgwenxo Missgwenxo
46-50, F
31 Responses Dec 1, 2013

That is what I am afraid of too. It is so not fair for me to have this dagger sticking out of my chest, making it hard for me to breathe, hard to get out of bed, hard to be a part of daily life. I just wish it never happened.

how you found out? by HelloSpy, didn't you?

When you accept all the reasons that it failed, then it will start to go away, took me a few years to get over it too, but I look back and shake my head. It takes 3 to tango, not 2. Time will heal.

He's not the one for you!! Let it go and something wonderful will find you :D

I know it is hard to forget/forgive. I would focus on his action rather on him. Time is healer. Relax, mediate , keep yourself busy. I know it is painful but we all experience the pain in different way.

It may hurt now but realize that you are not the only one who has been cheated on. It is pretty common and it happens to both men and women. First understand that this is all on him. He cheated and that is not your fault. I know it is easy to say and much harder to do but you need to put it behind you. Find something fun to do that will give you something else to think about

It's one thing when someone cheats while you're dating and another when married. Consider this a test of your recovery abilities. Don't let anyone rush you into telling you you're fine when you're hurting. Only you will know when you're ready to move on. I would encourage you to not lock yourself in that mode of painful thinking and seek something that can make you feel at ease.

Thanks for such a kind reply.

Until you decide to move on.

You're in control of your life and your feelings, so you are the only one who can make the pain dissipate. It may take a long time, but find it in your heart to forgive and forget and eventually move on to someone who you can be with for a very long time :)

I don't know much about marriage but I do think that maybe you're mind set got messed up a bit, you loved man.. and trusted him and you thought this was... and he ended up shyting on you.. maybe you're a bit embarrassed with your self or a bit disappointed in your self..I know i would especially since I still believe in marriage is sacred.. and well I would think you probably shouldn't have proposed to me in the first place.. but hey it happens and thats a another story .. you can't rush it.. but it will stop sooner or later. making some changes in you're life helps (hobbies, new things , new people , new area.. etc etc - btw please let me know if I helped or if i was totally off or what..I want to get really good at advice telling :P

Find someone else

If you love someone finding someone else seems impossible every one else is like a shadow

Meh, I dont love him. I'm in pain because of the embarrassment he put me through. My self esteem took a stumble.

Then you will be fine shortly you seem very attractive but I know how it is in a situation like that it's not your fault he cheated you need a more honest man.... I hope you find him I really do I'm lookin for the same just not a guy

When you find him your self esteem will soar

Stay strong weekend is near!

I got 2 girls at school I don't know how did they know about me but still so far there awesome

3 More Responses

I don't think it will ever go away if you really love them you just have to deal with it
Heart broken to join the club beautifull

I was in a similar situation and was so devastated for about a year and a half that I made the mistake of getting back together with him. Looking back, I just didn't want to feel like I wasn't enough or that it could happen to me. I wrapped my self image in how he treated me. I thought, if I felt so bad all the time without him then I might as well "forgive" him and try to be happy.

In hindsight, I should have seen how lucky I was to have broken free. It wasn't real. I let my pain and disbelief of having been betrayed rob me of clarity.

For me, the pain didn't stop until I realized I was better off without him. I wrapped myself in my hurt because I had clung on to a fantasy of how it should have been instead of focussing on how I was saved from something that wasn't real.

I hope you don't have to find out the hard way like me that, in time, you are better without some one who would cheat on you.

I totally understand what you are going through but you have to forgive, maybe not him but the past. You should try and watch the Lifeclass episode from Oprah Winfrey. It's from season 1 episode 2. Holding on to anger and to your past will only set you back.

Why do so many grieve for him? If the good does not make you leave. He certainly has found another woman. Do not be sad and find another man, a better. (sorry for the bad english)

it will always hurt i'm sorry. having ur life shattered by cheating takes a LONG time to let go of. I think it shows how much u loved them & how deeply they hurt u, by not being able to get over it quickly. I hope u find someone faithful who will treat u the way u need to be treated. good luck

I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her facebook and she changed her facebook status from engage to Single...when i went to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..I lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he gonna help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to Germany the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday.My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew what she's doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my girl friend called and he said i haven't seen anything yet... he said i will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its Sunday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume work on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit i have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with a baby boy and i have my job back too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.you can mail him to DR.ABEGBESPELLHOME@HOTMAIL.COM , I cant give out his number cos he told me he don't want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he also have a web site if you want to visit him there' he will replied to any emails asap..hope he helped u out too..good luck. his email address: DR.ABEGBESPELLHOME@HOTMAIL.COM

Time to stop the clock, pain will never go away if you constantly remind yourself of it.

I am so sorry for what happened to you. I have experienced the same situation , so I know what you are going through.

I am soooooo sorry. I just found out my wife cheated on me in June ( she cheated for the last 10 years). Stand strong you are giving others like me hope. I am only at 6 months and wondering the same thing. But you just reset my time clock to 1 year and 7 months. So thank you
Please contact me if you like we can chat as I am in the same situation. -j

My heart goes out to you. A marriage that fails because cheating, I can only imagine the pain. I have never been married so your level of hurt must be deep. My friend took 4 years to get over her x. I read somewhere that it takes an equal amount of time to get over it, 4yrs marriage = 4yrs to heal. Good luck.

12 years, uh, I hope not!

hi.. Miss.. i'm 25 male from U.K.. I work in hotel.. Now i stay alone in manchester city.. looking for female friend here

It takes a while, but you'll know when. For me it was when I got out of bed and noticed the carpet under my feet. I no longer felt that big empty spot in the center of my chest.

Plzz Dnt Belive Any One.. with out knw yar

hi,, miss... if you don't mind can we talk?

Don`t make the mistake of revenge or finding someone to fill your time with. You will feel more empty yet.

Your heart just isn't ready to let go of the last piece of rope tying you to him. Once that final part of you that still cares/loves him lets go, you'll be free. For some of us, it happens quickly, for some it takes meeting a new person, for some it simply takes years.

Some day your heart will find its way back home and be happy again. All the best.

I agree and thanks

Marriage to some (maybe most) look at it as prison. Just forget about him and I wish you the best you find someone that wants marriage, kids, etc...

Thanks

Divorce is a difficult thing. My husband cheated and left for another woman 8 years ago. They had a baby last week. I am healed enough now that I consider them both my friends, and I talk to them both regularly, yet I still felt a little hurt when they called me to tell me the news. They actually called and texted me while the baby was being born, and I was the first person they spoke to immediately after (I live 9 hours away), yet still there was that sore spot. It gets better, but it never completely heals.

You are a better person than me.

I became that way because of what they put me through. It truly was a horrible divorce. They lied and had me arrested and put in jail, he had me put in the psych ward by lying, his parents sued me separately from the divorce, and they bankrupted both of us. One day I realized that holding on to the hurt and pain wasn't affecting them at all, only me, and our son who has Aspergers. I realized that he needed his dad, and the only way that could happen was through my efforts. It was a long road, I still don't trust them completely, but we are friends, and our son has grown and thrived because of it, and in the end, that was the part that mattered most. Karma served them everything they did plus more, and honestly, I see now that my life is better than theirs, I have more money, a better job, a better place to live, and if it wasn't for what they did, it wouldn't be that way.

Wow. I am glad your life got better. But to be their friend after all that? You're an angel.

One day u will look back and thank him, bc u will find something better. Like a better sense of urself leading to better life decisions and better partner maybe. But alwys remember every bad is to be learned from and with it a window is openned. Excuse analof keyboard causes typos. Look for that open window and dont be afraid to go through it.

Thank you. I hope you are right.

He treated her better because she was newer. Men are simple. I can offer you advice but its going to be the truth. **** feelings, if you want to know then I will help, I have been cheated on too. Reply or send me a message. Don't expect me to give you answers. Just facts from a mans point of view, and also a person who has been cheateds.

I'm sorry to hear your dilemma, but as others have said it does get better. And there are better people out there. I hope you soon find someone who cares for you every bit as much as you deserve. Cheats deserve everything they get.

Thank you. Kind words mean a lot right now.

My ex cheated on me about a year after our child was born. I forgave him and let him come back. That was a big mistake. It hurts but in time it will pass. It will get better.

I begged him to stay, then threw him out but the worse part is how he treated her vs how he treated me. Wrote poetry for her, meanwhile I never knew he could write a full sentence! Ugh.

Have u heard of shesahomewrecker.com it would mak me fe3l better if i were in ur shoes call them both out on their bad behavior. Many times the only one who suffers is the one being cheated on, give them the scarlet letter they will suffer. Its all fun til their friends and family know wat ***** they r.