Brazil

 

My experience is different than most, sad, and funny in that knowing it all along kind of way.  I always assumed my ex-husband would cheat.  It was never an if, it was a question of when and under what circumstances.  He had a certain Shakespearean flaw.  It was that he had to feel adored by everyone or he wallowed in a pit of depression and misery.  He needed constant affirmation and amusement. 

            His father had a stroke on Valentine’s day of 2001.  I was supposed to start a new job that day and there was quite a bit of stress already involved.  We stayed up all night stressing and then found out that they were going to keep him on life support until we showed up.  We left for the 13 hour drive off of a few hours of sleep and ended up getting in a wreck on the way down.  I had a small but disturbing panic attack as we stood in the middle of a Kansas field with ice on all of the roads and a flat tire.  I was driving on ice with cruise control on, a mistake I will never make in the future.  We did a full circle and no one was injured.  We didn’t even pack any gloves or truly warm jackets.  Don’t ask me why, when I look back I can only think that it was our sleep deprived state.  As I was crying and being hysterical a nice cop drove up.  He helped my husband change the tire and didn’t even give us a ticket.  When we finally arrived we watched them pull the plug on his father and it was obviously very emotional.  He wasn’t close to any of his children and they all saw him as a disturbed and psychotic man.  He was fanatically religious to the point of beating Satan out of children, putting oils on you to excise the demons, and generally being bizarre.  It was still very traumatic for my husband and he was upset.  When we got back home I had to start my new job the next day and he had to fly to Brazil for a month to upgrade their server systems.  He flew out the day we got back from the funeral.  It sucked and I really wish he didn’t have to, but he felt it would be fine.  We couldn’t talk on the phone much because the lines are not all that good down there.  We still got to talk every few days though.  I didn’t really think anything was too wrong and I missed him terribly.  When he got home and we kissed I knew something was wrong.  We would have normally had crazy sex from being separated for that long, but he wasn’t even physically affectionate and seemed upset and on the verge of tears.  So, when I hugged him as we headed out to dinner I whispered in his ear that I knew something was wrong and that he should just tell me.  He smiled and started to cry and said we should discuss it over dinner.  My mind was racing but I remained calm and we headed out to Red Lobster.  We sit down and he tells me that he was at the hotel bar and a Paraguayan woman sat next to him.  She couldn’t speak good English.  They got drunk and went back to his room.  They started having sex and he felt so bad that he stopped and threw up and then kicked her out.  He was paranoid he may have gotten a disease and so he didn’t want to kiss or have sex with me until he was completely tested.  I didn’t say much of anything.  He was crying and I kept thinking in my head that I was at a crossroad.  I can either forgive him and move on and see it for what it truly is, a mistake under stress, or I can leave him.  Hell, I could even be vengeful and take him to the bank if I wanted.  He wanted me to say something, but I really just wanted to think.   I decided to put aside my emotional response of feeling betrayed and just forget about it.  I decided to move on and I am glad I did.  We did get divorced six months later, due to the realization that we had grown apart.  That summer before we decided to separate we had 4 minions staying with us, all teenagers.  Our nephews, my brother, and my cousin all lived with us for over a month.  It was fun and extremely stressful.  Sometimes I wonder if the stress of that year is really what caused us to grow apart or just what made me realize we already had.

 

Krypton Krypton
31-35, F
1 Response Feb 14, 2009

I suppose when we do go through stressful times, we cannot help but grow from the experience... sometimes people grow in different ways, and find it hard to stay connected through that growth.<br />
<br />
It takes incredible strength to realise sometimes moving forward means leaving your partner. I hope you have found happiness that move.<br />
<br />
xx