Please Give Me Advice

is it possible for a relationship to work after someone has cheated?


i feel like it can..but i keep thinking about it everyday. it chews me up...i have no trust for him at all.


i kinda feel like the only way to fix it is to cheat on know to level the playing field....i want this to work out with him


any advice?

confused122 confused122
19 Responses May 6, 2009

Don't cheat on him, maintain your dignity. If you really feel you can forgive him and rebuild trust than I would say go to counselling and prepare to give it an honest effort. If you feel you can never trust him again, then do yourself and him a favour by ending it. He could become the perfect husband but if you cannot trust him you will end up making both of you miserable for the rest of your lives.

I second anewlife's advice. I believe you should insist on the counseling (if he loves you and is serious about repairing the relationship, he'll go) as a 'price of admission'. Also, I advise against the cheating to even things out. You'd think it would, but it doesn't. It's kind of like when someone keys your car down one side; keying the other to match only damages the paint more.

I have the same questions in my head right now.

Two wrongs don't make a right. Be the better person and leave. Someone who cheats on you is not worthy of you. As I've been burned more times than I can count, I can tell you this: "If another woman steals you man, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him."

I got with my now boyfriend while he was with another woman. I was only 20 he was 22 but his girlfriend was like damn near 40. I thought it was cute playing around with this womans man and making her wonder where he was at night. I've been with this man over 20 years and never once had anyone tell me he had been cheating on me until I saw him leave from another womans house, he told me it was nothing but if I wanted to cheat on him to get even then I could. I never cheated and he still being seen leaving the house so it would'nt of made no diffrece if I cheated or not, the best thing to do is leave his *** alone, that's what i'm doing. Good Luck.

im kind of in the same boat, the thought has crossed my mind, and i also catch myself kind of throwing the affair in his face, i realize i do this because i do not feel he understands my pain and what he has done and caused. its hard because i dont feel too much of his remorse or sorrow like i did in the beginning, its just hard cuz the both of us want to put it behind us but i cant just close the door, i need to fully heal.

Dear confused 122<br />
Don't even think about cheating. You can't correct a wrong with a wrong. Forgive him if you love him,give him another chance to prove his love for you. Good luck!

Don't be like him. You are better than he is. If you cheat you are scooping down to his level and he'll have field day rubbing it in. They always do!!

if you stay with him you know he will do it again si can you deal with it or you walk away and find a better person<br />
cheating is not just have af riend of the other sexthe one o loved had a friend she would go to art stuff with as she hated going alone<br />
<br />
and i had a friend frmeal head cheerleader i would go to classes with on a sat morning and iwould have no more cheated on the one i loved then my wife would have i loved to dive and you dive as a pair and my wife was scare to death of being in water [she had a good reason]<br />
but you know he will do it agin

Don't do it girl don't u will never forgive your yourself my wife has just cheated on me she denies it but he was straight up with me said she lured to him told him she was not married I feel like this pain will never go away she has no clue how I feel just keeps saying she iss trying to move forward but doesn't relize how much I already know

When I started seeing my ex, he told me he cheated in a previous relationship. I did not want to judge him. I did not want him to pay for being honest with me. I tried to understand. I was happy he was honest with me. And so began the relationship I had with that was filled with constant lies. He also cheated on me and threw the woman in my face many times. After I left him he harassed me.

I was cheated on for over 2 years... I hope it gets better. I hate that so many people assume its the guy cheating; in my case it was my girlfriend. We have a home and a child. Some days are better than others :(

I have been on both ends before, and no matter which way you look at it; it's a ****** situation to be in. <br />
My boyfriend of six and a half years cheated on me all of the time. The first time he did it, I thought maybe we could make it through. I just didn't realize at the time, how hard that was really going to be. Everytime he left the house, went to work, went out with friends....whatever...I thought he was leaving to cheat on me again. I lived in a constant state of fear and paranoia. I loved him so much though, I just didnt want to be without him. Or maybe I didn't know how to be without him. Things were honestly never ever the sme between us; I just couldn't trust him anymore and always thought the worst about anything he did. After 6 and a half years, we broke up.<br />
In my next relationship, I was actually the one who cheated. He never ever forgave me and was always suspicious about everything I did. Cheating is just NO good, and most of the time...nothing is ever the same again.

i dont know im exactly in the same spot thought about cheating, and i go through wanting to kick his ***. some days pain is so intense i cant breathe he is trying so hard to make it up to me but sometimes i just want to slap him or have sex with one of his friends. its hard some days i love him and want to work it out. i guess its the healing process but i dont know if we will make it

i dont know im exactly in the same spot thought about cheating, and i go through wanting to kick his ***. some days pain is so intense i cant breathe he is trying so hard to make it up to me but sometimes i just want to slap him or have sex with one of his friends. its hard some days i love him and want to work it out. i guess its the healing process but i dont know if we will make it

Staying is much more difficult that leaving. I have done both, I was engaged to be married when I found out about my partners affair from the other woman's husband. I moved out the same day and left the ring and never saw him again. As hard as I thought it was at the time, it does not come close to the pain you go through when you decide to stay. I was married for 10 years when I found out 2 years ago about the affair my husband had. We decided to stay together and I have been in pain every single day since. I read on some other site that you do actually get through it and the pain will go away. Similar to when someone die. The pain is the mourning because the spouse you knew, the loyal one who would never betray you is forever gone. But like loosing a loved one, the pain will fade - you will still remember it happened, but the pain associated with the memory will be less intense with time. When you walk away you start to heal and move on and focus on other things in your life to help get over it. When you stay it is in your face every day and you will live with the memory and pain until the pain starts to fade. After 2 years my pain is still so physically intense that I feel sick to my stomach and I have to sit down when I hit a bad day. This was my soulmate, my best friend for the past decade, we moved to a foreign country and then this happened... I cant turn to my best friend and tell him what I am still going through because he did it to me.... Trust me it takes more guts to stay than to go so you better be sure that staying is what you want and that your spouse is 100% committed and working his arse off to keep you as this is the only reason I am not running away from this pain right now.

i could tell you some advise but it would be the same thing your telling yourself cuz im going thru this exact thing and i want to be with him but it just doesnt feel the same!

no doing the same will not solve the problem,went thru counsleing with my first husband they recomended divorce first session, and it is hard to forgive,and never forgotten, i made it thru the first one and you can too

Just get out of the relationship. Cheating is unforgivable no matter what.

It gets easier to deal with. The most important part is whether or not he acknowledged HIS responsibility in it. So, he owns it as his fault, not saying he did it because of something you did or didn't do or any other factor.<br />
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If he has admitted to it being his own fault then it's possible that you can move forward. There needs to be a lot of communication and at some point you have to learn not to throw it in his face or hold a grudge, etc. <br />
<br />
I don't think cheating will help. I have always felt "I should have cheated", but at the end of the day, it's only going to add more fuel to the fire. It increases the trust issues in the relationship. <br />
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Stick around and see if you can work it out and if you find it is too much to deal with, no shame in admitting it and letting go. Good Luck!