I've been in a marriage for many years now and found out he cheated on me. Not just a one time thing he had a girlfriend and me his wife. My world feels shattered and I am ready to go but I do not know why I can't. We have kids and they love him even though he's emotionally unattached with all of us. I gave entirely too much of me to a person that did not appreciate my love and time. I feel very depressed and I can't seem to get out of this funk.
mkaylaa mkaylaa
31-35, F
17 Responses Feb 28, 2015

you can recuperte all by understanding him more with HelloSpy, the I think you will be easy to decide what you should do

This is tough , my mom had a similar situation, .....
she left, ....
my family crumbled....
We were 5 kids ages from 3-16

I was 16

I don't blame her for that, i blame him but....i just wish ....they found a solution.

Give yourself freely to another man (or woman) and enjoy having no regrets.

PS my husband had completely disconnected from me emotionally and that was because of his depression, maybe your husband is going through a similar thing?

Me too and it is the worst thing I have ever experienced, actual physical pain. We are trying to work it out and are going to counselling. He regrets what he has done and has been diagnosed with depression. We have two young boys and for me splitting up is not an option. However if after counselling it doesn't work them at least we will have tried. It was a massive shock to me, I genuinely has absolutely no idea. If you have someone you trust that you can confide in then do it, my close friends have kept me sane.

one time pardon baby.

Are there any other extenuating circumstances, i.e. does he drink, are there sex problems, financial issues, resentment?

26-30 so what is MANY years at your age??

My parents didn;t get along - I prayed daily for a divorce.


I had the same thing happen. It is a lot to process but over time it will not be the main part of your life. I am on my own with kids now and have set backs but am forging ahead. The thing is, that life goes on even when the funk comes.

It helps me to pay attention to what I have left and to my kids and push aside things that don't have to do with today or tomorrow. Yesterday is gone. So he is he. It is a new day.

It helps also to think of that part of life as an element like water or heat and I can live without it. It's not a major element and I can control my own fate now. So can you. You can do this.

I've been in a marriage for 22 years my husband has cheated on me lied to me and it made it worse for my kids I thought I was doing the right thing by keeping my family together but it only hurt us more and my kids are very resentful towards him because as they get older they see things they don't like

that's one of my fears

I regret that I put my kids through what I put them through so we always have to think twice

I know sometimes what we think is best for them actually isnt and I know them seeing me unhappy is not good for them to become well adjusted adults.

I feel bad because my son and his father don't have a good relationship because of mine and my husbands relationship and dries me crazy on a daily basis to see them so far apart and get live under the same roof.

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Time to pack your bags, clean out the savings account and leave. And do not tell him why. Draw up the divorce papers and have them FEDEX to him. What a MOFO.

I'm sorry you had to go through that, and are going through that. And I know it's hard because you have kids, I understand your situation completely. And if you ever want to talk in private I'll be an ear for you, I've been there.

thank you

This happened to me. I stayed because of my daughter and I believed it was a mistake. What I did was loose his respect and give him permission to continue as I'd accepted it once. I also gave him the power to destroy me as my self confidence was shattered n now he always new how to control me n hurt me deeply. Eventually the emotional n physiological abuse turned violent. It took a long time till I saw that keep my family to get her for my girls was hurting them. I no I should have left when I first found out and when they were too young to be as damaged as they are now.
Yes it's difficult but you no you have to xx

I know I have to go it's only a matter of time. Sorry it got so bad for you and your daughter .

We are are out of it now. But I stayed five years longer than I needed too. He'd already done a lot if damage to my personality m confidence before the affair but I was so much worse after. Learn from my mistakes. If I'd walked back then I'd have walked away stronger than I did last year. But I've made It n so can you xx

thank you

Some people can't be faithful. They don't realize the value of it. Never understood that myself. It's NOT you. It's them.

u should leave him

That's the plan but it's hard to just leave.


The kid, the memories . I guess I also am not putting myself first to just end it and find peace.

well if u stay with him u r gonna feel bad, feel unimportant and depressed while he cheats. I know it is hard but u just need to leave and make it easier for u and to take care of ur kids

I know everything you are saying is true. that's how I am feeling now.

yea, just kick him out all ready

I kind of am very closed off. Once I open myself up I feel like I won't be able to control the emotions but I know that I have to find someone to speak to.

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