I am so hurt and heartbroken. My husband and I have been together for 13 years, married for 10. We have a beautiful 7 month old baby together which I had to go through hell and back to have him. I found out he had an affair by listening to my gut instincts....and I just found out they were talking on a regular basis since I was 6 month pregnant. He wants to work things out with me and he is very remorseful, but I just don't know if I can ever get past this. I took my marriage vows seriously. He is doing everything he can to try and get me to stay.....I just don't know what to do. I love him but I am not in love with him anymore....my feelings have changed because I was hurt so bad. Is anyone else experiencing or experienced the same thing?
Hadley35 Hadley35
36-40, F
11 Responses Nov 5, 2015

Very sorry to hear this but i think moving away will just take you to another problem. Sit and talk with him. Think if you can forgive him.

Lol....

What a stupid, ******, dickhead response. You are a *****!

Stop ranting already- makes you look like a mean evil trunch-bull. Lol. The problem was that they let their hubs do anything and even stare at ***** and boobs then they wonder why hubs cheated. As if they didnt give out signs... But since everyones too stupid, oh well ;)

Actually my husband never did any of those things. He never cared to go to ***** clubs....he wasn't into being a 'playboy'. You have no idea what this is like until you go through this. He worked with this woman, they became friends and things got intense. I had an aweful pregnancy and he drifted away. So please don't go and bash on people before knowing the whole truth.

Hadley IDC. There are some guys out there who do that. Im very fortunate to have someone who even after I do bad stuff to him, he still there for me and always pampering me and carrying me just cuz he thinks im his queen. He never takes off his rings and well theres SO much more. Too bad for some.... Glad im not an ignorant. And I did something that he considered cheating yet he forgave me and still the same with me- he never changes. Not everyones like this guy... So sad.

As soon as I choose to do what you tell me, I'll let you know. Until then, you are still a *****.

Alright. People keep being ignorant as Fuc*, they'll continue to get cheated. Haha you got cheated on too? Awww go cry about it. You let your hubs watch mini skirts then you whine and Bitc* about hubs having an affair. Take a look at yourself- you're an ignorant just like everyone else. Im not what you just said to me alright? Get it trough your thick smelly skull. Just cuz I have a loyal and faithful bf and you guys dont? Too ignorant I see. Its not about controlling. Its about knowing him and where hes been and who he sees personally. Im very smart ;) you bet i am!

You've got a lot of life left to live. Given your age I'll chalk your asshattery up to naïveté and inexperience. Good luck in your future relationships.

Whatever... Proof pple dont know about "True love" and unconditional but oh well. Ugly rotten hag.. Bye bye. Too bad you guys dont know what its like to bde treated like a queen. It feels like you're on top of the world... Love is not for everyone so...

Oh honey. I know what it's like and I enjoy every moment of it.

Those who believe that people can't change, typically are people whose minds are closed and who lack self awareness. Those people rarely evolve themes, let alone believe someone else can.

Hopefully, for humanities sake, some day you'll free your tiny little mind.

Obviously you have been cheated on or else why are you on this group. I found this post on the "stories" section of EP so... You have no idea what unconditional love is... You are lying to yourself. Just cuz your man likes nice asse* to Fu** around with? Poor you ...
Tons of men flirt with me here on EP and on streets. Yes including hubbys ^.^ I love the way they look at my behind but too bad they can't have me. Who knows, tons of hubs are cheating on their ignorant smelly females now cuz they let the hubs do whatever he wants. So he'll gladly do it ;) I love being around married men and taking me places :)

Karma is a *****. Just like you.

Ignoring the truth. Whatever you dont understand, you ignore. Ignorance is everyones solution. I know what unconditional love is. Im experiencing it every day. Met this guy yrs ago and hes been very loyal and sincere. Hubbys may stay cuz the female gives them se* but dont give 'em that, they'll go looking elsewhere. My guy has seen my worst and hes always gentle with me- hes sticking only with me even if i was crazy. Ive done bad things to him in the past yet he still true to me and hell never hurt me never has. I never see him angry. All he wants is me. My Point is unconditional love is not for everyone thats why men cheat. Its not for everyone. Only few get to experience it. And my guy is barely 20!

Good for you. Funny, you've treated him like crap yet he forgives. Try applying that possibility to others.

Of course. Hes so forgiving. He doesnt care if I argue or rant, he still supports me on everything and never gives up trying to help me.

11 More Responses

I would like to thank all of you do your responses. It's really nice to know I am not the only one going through this and you all have been very helpful❤️

I'm really sorry about what you've been through. Have you thought about marriage counseling? Even when both spouses are committed, healing the marriage and restoring trust can be a long and difficult journey. If you need a place to start, Focus has a number you can call to speak to a counselor free of charge: 855-771-4357. Here's some other info that may help in the meantime: bit.ly/1SEwTfJ and bit.ly/1MHVjQj. God bless you!

Thank you. We did marriage counseling for the past 3 months. I stopped going. I just feel like it was at a dead end. I feel like I'm at a dead end. I don't want to put effort into the marriage at all right now. I am finding myself getting angry now.....and saying things I shouldn't. It's so painful to go through this. I feel like my heart is ripped apart and bleeding on the floor. I love him but I will never forgive him....I will never trust him. I am just trying to figure out what direction to go in.

I'm so, so sorry. I know what it's like to feel as if your heart is literally breaking. Time can heal, and so can a gradual and intentional rebuilding of trust. You mentioned that you love your husband and are committed to your vows. If your husband is truly repentant and the affair is really over, is that enough to keep you hanging in there, at least until the emotion subsides? If marriage counseling hasn't worked out, are you open to seeing a counselor yourself for a while? Maybe you could resume marriage counseling later, when you're both ready. For now, try to take one day at a time and be sure you are getting the rest and support you need to care for your little one. Hugs and prayers - Ann

I have been through it too, but for me it was 20 years ago, and I was lucky (not sure lucky is the right word) enough to have it happen before getting married. It broke my heart, and still affects me to this day.

What you are going through is terrible. I have no advice for you, as only you can decide the best way forward. However, do not let anyone tell you to "just get over it", or that "it is in the past". It is an incredibly painful thing that has happened to you, and no one has a right to downplay the hurt.

Good Luck to you!

I am so sorry. I feel the hurt of the betrayal you are conveying. I hope you will remember that when someone wanders it is not about you. It is about something he felt HE needed. I hope you won't feel less about you, and I'm sorry you are hurting.

The first time I got pregnant he cheated on me too. Took me close to 3 years to forgive him and move on. I hated him so much. He was broken, apologetic, remorseful, etc so I did choose to stay. But it took a lot of work. We did ALOT of couples group therapy and counselling and fell in and out love so many times I can't count anymore. Can't say it's peachy all the time, but it ain't crappy all the time either. Which isn't for everybody. Strong people would demand more in a relationship and I don't know how it works out for them either. Nobody knows what to do but you, and right now you do know what you want, if you quit the back and forths, and questioning your questions, you do know, it's in there, just how are you going to get there is the next question. I'm sorry you're going through this too, what is it with men when they get a woman pregnant and they crap their pants.

No you weren't

When I was little my dad cheated on my mom and when she found out he beat her. It was so scary I'm glad he is in jail for life and I guess that is what turned me lesbian.

WOW I'm sorry that happened to your mom and you.

I gotta tell you if you love him yes you are in love with him too. It's ok though - you haven't done anything wrong by loving him and being there for him. It's also ok to continue to love him never beat yourself up over that.

He did you wrong when he did not consult you before he started acting out and betrayed you.

The decision is all yours - some stay some move on. It's all based on how he has treated you in the past and not based on the affair really. If he is truly remorseful then he will pursue you and move any mountain that you need to have moved. You may need to tell him it's ok to do that but once you do - actions will always speak louder than words from here on out. Hold him accountable!

Give yourself time to decide - Don't let anyone sway you either. Your heart really will continue to guide you.

You do deserve better and You do have a right to demand better treatment and respect as well. (((Hugs)))

If you arent in love with hom anymore, your relationship is done, time to divorce and work together to raise your son.

If you have time you should read my story.. Honestly as bad as I want to get back together, because we have kids.. She/He is not the person you thought they were, and it's going to take a long time to heal.. but if you ever need to talk or rant, send me a message, and I'd love to listen.. If not, no big deal! I wish the best for you and your little one!