I Need To Advise On How To Get Over Being Cheated On... Its Kind Of Complicated
I met my boyfriend when I was 14. I saw him for the first time and felt something at that time I could not explain. I was always very outgoing, I never had any problems talking to anyone. But with him, I couldn't say one word. He finally come up to me and after that, we never stopped talking. I realized that feeling was true love. We started dating when we were 16. He first cheated on me after 3 months. and then again at about a year and a half. We were having problems. We have worked them out now, but now I can't get over being cheated on. Its so hard for me because from the beginning, I could never imagine cheating on him. Even when I was being hurt so unbelievably bad, and I had a gorgous guy wanting me, I couldn't do it. I couldn't even kiss that guy when he tried. But now, things are good between me and him. The only problems we have is I am so insecure now. I am so afraid he will cheat again and I am so afraid to be hurt like that again. Its gotten to the point where his ***** movies bother me so bad.
Ok, I want to say that I have never been in a relationship where someone has been faithful to me. I got into my first relationship at 12 i think. I really cared about the guy. At 12, I was being cheated on non stop by this guy. I felt I had to become a **** and give him anything he wanted sexually for him to be sincere to me. When that didn't work, I played his game and did what ever I wanted to do, with who ever. It wasn't good choices, I know, especially for a girl that is 13 years old. I have felt from a very young age that being a **** means not getting hurt because you dont care and that even if a guy doesn't want you, how hard would it be to get another one. After I met my boyfriend, I didn't want to be that person anymore. I only wanted him. The first girl he cheated on me with, I knew it was going to happen. She was our friend and I saw it happening infront of me. It took a while but I became "cool" with that girl, as much as you could be i guess. But then the second one happened. This girl came out of no where. Actually, that girl came there for my boyfriends brother, and slept with him. She was nothing but a ****... just like how i used to be. So ever since then, I have been having problems with it. I gained a little weight so I have been trying so hard to get skinny again. When he watches his movies, I am afraid he is thinking about them when he is with me. Or I think because he sees these pretty girls having sex with anyone and everyone that he is going to find someone else like that. I keep track of when he watches them! I don't want to do this anymore! I need to feel good about myself but it is so hard! I feel that if some girl comes up and does whatever, he will get turned on and not even think about me. I feel that any **** could come up and ruin everything for me.
I just don't want to be this insecure anymore. I have never felt insecure about myself so this is all new to me! But I have never loved anyone has much as him, so I am so afraid to lose him and get hurt again. We have been together for 4 years now. We are happy, besides me being insecure. That is the only thing we argue about! And really we don't even argue over it. When I start feeling that way and I need to talk about it, I tell him just that. I tell him I don't want to make you feel bad by bringing this up, or I dont' want to start anything. He understand, but he, just like me, is getting tired of it! We both love each other so much. We both don't want to seperate and we want to be together. I truely feel that we are meant for eachother, and he has told me the same thing. But i need to get over this I have no clue how. I cannot keep feeling like this and he can't either. I understand that it was in the past and if he cheats again, I will be gone, it will be his loss. But how can i stop thinking about it every single day. There are so many ***** out there now, especially young ones like me! He is very good looking and everyone wanted him when we first got together. How can I stop worrying about it! We don't want to leave, so that is out of the question for right now. We both want to try to fix it first, and I have his full support on anything we need to try!
I really need some advise, I am hoping someone out there has been in a similar situation and can help me. I love would to hear your comments!