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I Need To Advise On How To Get Over Being Cheated On... Its Kind Of Complicated

I met my boyfriend when I was 14. I saw him for the first time and felt something at that time I could not explain. I was always very outgoing, I never had any problems talking to anyone. But with him, I couldn't say one word. He finally come up to me and after that, we never stopped talking. I realized that feeling was true love. We started dating when we were 16. He first cheated on me after 3 months. and then again at about a year and a half. We were having problems. We have worked them out now, but now I can't get over being cheated on. Its so hard for me because from the beginning, I could never imagine cheating on him. Even when I was being hurt so unbelievably bad, and I had a gorgous guy wanting me, I couldn't do it. I couldn't even kiss that guy when he tried. But now, things are good between me and him. The only problems we have is I am so insecure now. I am so afraid he will cheat again and I am so afraid to be hurt like that again. Its gotten to the point where his ***** movies bother me so bad.

Ok, I want to say that I have never been in a relationship where someone has been faithful to me. I got into my first relationship at 12 i think. I really cared about the guy. At 12, I was being cheated on non stop by this guy. I felt I had to become a **** and give him anything he wanted sexually for him to be sincere to me. When that didn't work, I played his game and did what ever I wanted to do, with who ever. It wasn't good choices, I know, especially for a girl that is 13 years old. I have felt from a very young age that being a **** means not getting hurt because you dont care and that even if a guy doesn't want you, how hard would it be to get another one. After I met my boyfriend, I didn't want to be that person anymore. I only wanted him. The first girl he cheated on me with, I knew it was going to happen. She was our friend and I saw it happening infront of me. It took a while but I became "cool" with that girl, as much as you could be i guess. But then the second one happened. This girl came out of no where. Actually, that girl came there for my boyfriends brother, and slept with him. She was nothing but a ****... just like how i used to be. So ever since then, I have been having problems with it. I gained a little weight so I have been  trying so hard to get skinny again. When he watches his movies, I am afraid he is thinking about them when he is with me. Or I think because he sees these pretty girls having sex with anyone and everyone that he is going to find someone else like that. I keep track of when he watches them! I don't want to do this anymore! I need to feel good about myself but it is so hard! I feel that if some girl comes up and does whatever, he will get turned on and not even think about me. I feel that any **** could come up and ruin everything for me.

I just don't want to be this insecure anymore. I have never felt insecure about myself so this is all new to me! But I have never loved anyone has much as him, so I am so afraid to lose him and get hurt again. We have been together for 4 years now. We are happy, besides me being insecure. That is the only thing we argue about! And really we don't even argue over it. When I start feeling that way and I need to talk about it, I tell him just that. I tell him I don't want to make you feel bad by bringing this up, or I dont' want to start anything. He understand, but he, just like me, is getting tired of it! We both love each other so much. We both don't want to seperate and we want to be together. I truely feel that we are meant for eachother, and he has told me the same thing. But i need to get over this I have no clue how. I cannot keep feeling like this and he can't either. I understand that it was in the past and if he cheats again, I will be gone, it will be his loss. But how can i stop thinking about it every single day. There are so many ***** out there now, especially young ones like me! He is very good looking and everyone wanted him when we first got together. How can I stop worrying about it! We don't want to leave, so that is out of the question for right now. We both want to try to fix it first, and I have his full support on anything we need to try!

I really need some advise, I am hoping someone out there has been in a similar situation and can help me. I love would to hear your comments!

Danche78 Danche78 18-21, F 3 Responses Oct 7, 2009

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Has he cheated on you since you posted this? It could be that he did what he did at the begining because he was very young then realised what he has with you and grew up?

You are still very young and I know what you feel is intense but if he really loves you as much as he says he does why does he keep doing it? You need to get to the root of the problem if you ever want to really solve it. To forgive once is huge but to forgive a second time? I wouldn't do it. If he can do it so casually twice what will stop him doing it again? Maybe he has a sex addiction? I really recommend going to a counsellor. Good luck

I am way older than you, but I truly understand. Try being married for 17 years, being best friends since you were 4, having 2 children, and a husband who has vowed before God and everyone you love to be faithful to you cheat on you with an older woman who has 4 kids by 4 different men. He actually walked out on me and our children the night I found out saying that he would not give her up because he cared about her a lot all the while ripping my heart out. He came back after a week and half and begged the children and me for forgiveness. We are trying to work things out, but the hurt, betrayal, humiliation, anger, pain... I could go on forever it seems, will not go away. I only wish I had the answers, but I don't. I just try to tell myself to just keep breathing, to try push away those negative thoughts, and focus on good things that are in my life like my kids.