My fiance (dated for 5 yrs) got drunk and slept with someone else while struggling in our relationship .and to be honest I have already started to forgive him. The even harder part is the girl is preganant. With no plans on an abortion. I think we can heal from this , but the baby puts things so out of whack. Is there anyone out there where a baby resulted from infidelity? I would love to hear a success story.
cbear12 cbear12
31-35, F
3 Responses Mar 19, 2016

In terms of things between you and your fiancé, I think what you need is to communicate. A lot. I suspect that you're worried that his having a child with another woman will put your relationship with him at risk. If that's the case, let him know that you would like to know where he stands with you - is he willing to make sure that you are his fiancee/wife (eventually, you hope) and his number 1 woman. Let him know that you will respect his child, and not try to get between him and the baby, but you expect him to be with you, and not let anyone else get between you two.
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That the baby resulted from infidelity isn't as relevant to the situation. Just try to think of this as a child from a previous relationship. Don't hold any of that against the child, and try to take on a maternal role when the child is with the two of you, insofar as you and the child are comfortable with.
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The other elephant in the room is, of course, the way that your fiancé handled the struggle in your relationship. Getting drunk and knocking up another woman isn't the best way to handle relationship difficulties. Don't beat him over the head with it, recognize that he made a mistake, and forgive him. But you also need to have some assurances that this mistake won't happen again. The last thing you need is to have him catting around when he's in a relationship with you. (Or maybe the two of you want to consider a more open relationship. Even then, the financial implications of fathering kids can't be ignored, so some set of guidelines needs to be set up that the two of you can agree to and follow.)
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Good luck. I hope you find your way to happiness.

How long does it take sometimes for a relationship to heal? It's only been 3 weeks and I feel like I have almost forgiven him. But I know it will all change when the baby comes

My wife cheated 5 years ago and it still bothers me

And yet you stayed. Are you happy with your decision? I'm afraid its more than just about it bothering me down the road. There will be a physical person who will remind me of it. And I will have to see her from time to time and fight the urge to scratch her eyes out.

No I'm not happy with my decision or my marriage. How's everything going

Right now we are working on rebuilding trust. Because the baby issue is out of our hands, she won't let him have a say. So everyday I pray for a medical problem, or that she will change her mind.....But I'm not sure how to rebuild the trust because we are long distance right now. I won't see him for another month. Some days are good, and I'm happy he is still in my life. And he is hear to talk too. Other days I'm so angry at her for putting us in the this situation that I might take my frustration out on him. Or when he send me short emails I feel like I'm not his #1 priority. His job exhausts him and I know this, it's just hard to accept it. It's also hard to wait for the point where we are good again, I'm impatient and just want to get back what we lost, but the new 2.0 version....What kind of things did you try to rebuild? What worked for you?

You can message me if you ever want to talk

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