It's been three months since I discovered that my husband cheated on me. I chosed to stay because I thought we will be alright after all. But since then I felt I am not happy anymore and I do not understand my feelings for him right now.
AshleyFaith AshleyFaith
31-35, F
17 Responses Apr 19, 2016

How did u discover

Well, obviously the sweetness to each other on their photos and he confessed all to me.

That's the thing about this situation- your feelings will constantly change from day to day, hour to hour. Some days you think, Okay we can overcome this and I choose to make this work and take my vows to stay together until we die seriously. Other moments, I don't even want his hands on me, I don't want to even look at him. To be honest, it will never change. At least for me it didn't. My stbx husband cheated, MANY times, and every time I chose to stay. The pain was horrific, like being punched in the stomach after finding out a loved one has died (dramatic, but no less true). I have never looked at him as the same man since the first time I caught him even though we were able to move on and have a normal marriage dynamic again. It was always there, hanging around us like a ghost neither of us wanted to admit to seeing. Our marriage was haunted, which I guess made it easier for it to continue. Finally, I decided that I wanted my chance to start over, maybe find someone and make a new start someday. Our marriage didn't entirely end bc of his cheating, there were other problems, but once that cracks been made in its foundation, it doesn't take much to send the whole thing crumbling down. Best of luck to you.

Sorry to hear that. Time will cone to overcome this challenge. Appreciated your message.

:-( Hard to say. Was it one time and he's sorrowful or multiple and he's unrepentant? Do you have kids?
Eventually found out my ex-wife was serial cheater when I was on business trips. At first I wanted to see if it could work, like I would be giving up. Turns out she had an itch to be scratched and she wasn't going to stop.
Getting divorced and moving on turned to be the best thing ever. Seems lots of people stay and later regret all those wasted years.

My ex cheated on me. I stayed 10 years, to raise my kids. The same week we entered my youngest into USF I had her served. Trust me. You never forget, and it festers over time until the hatred overpowers reason. Not mine... HERS! She cheated and treated me like **** for 10 years, but I was loyal, and stayed to fulfill my obligations to my kids. If you don't have kids, leave today. Never look back. The only way to forget is to find someone loyal. HE won't let you forget. I know, I lived it.

Thank you. Will now think and think over again. Your advice is helpful.

Yet another cheating story! You pple will never learn... Id suggest stay w/ him. Im sure he loves u

Thanks for the positive view.

If you still feel love for him then you two should try and make it work. If not time to move on.

Thanks. Will do the right thing for me. All the best.

Yes, it's what makes you happy in the end that matters. Good luck and aloha from Hawaii

Nope, drop him like a sack of peeling potatoes. You don't need some dude who could be slinging it to some other chick

Haha! Hope I could do that! 😁

No could about it, or are you so deeply in love with him that you rather share him then lose him

Before it's deeply inlove.

Or do u just feel that badly about yourself that u don't feel u r worth fighting for. That you're worth a faithful man.
Bc u ARE! U deserve happiness too!

I might feel that dear.

I wondered.
I felt that too most of my life. But finally something switched inside me. I was so tired of only living for others' happiness and I knew that I neeeeeeeeded someone to show me love and effort too!
I stood up for myself for the first time in my life.
It's been a rough road for my marriage but I can tell u that nothing I've fought for in my life tops the fight I put up for myself and my own happiness! I'm finally very happy w our marriage and he is too.
We couldn't be happier!
It IS worth it. It always is!
YOUUUUUU are worthy of effort, love and happiness hon!
Don't ever give up on that.
Good luck!!!!

Humans are capable of changing but they're capable of changing back, it's just easier to be with someone who never exhibits that behaviour.

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Im sorry. I couldn't deal with that I know. :/
I hope he's really changed.
I know it takes time but always listen to your instincts!
U sure don't want him doing that to u again. U deserve way better!!
Good luck!

Thanks.. I won't let it happen again.

Good for you! I am sorry and hope for nothing but the best for u!! Good luck!:)

Thank you. All the best.

You're welcome. Thanks and the same to u!:)

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You should leave him before it gets to late to find someone else, once one person in the relationship has been unloyal that relationship is dead and now broken

Agree I have a broken relationship and still hoping to fix everything in God's time.

Btw how did u find out?

My instinct helped me and I actually saw some pictures with a closeness and sweetness moments. Then after marriage he confessed about the girl which is very hard for me to accept for a newly wed.

I understand how u feeling right now..
It takes a while to get over it. Your husband must show remorseful and shows more attention to u..
When i cheated on my husband, when he discovered my affair he chose to stay.. It took him many months to get over and half of the recovery time he was being sarcastic by reminded me of stuffs he saw.
There are 2 things i want to say.. Firstly, the other party went for another partner because his or her significant other is not serving him well.. Secondly, once cheating in a person, it will happen again..
Therefore, do take care his well being and wishing u all the best..

Thank you dear. Will take note of that.

So sorry about this

Thats sad. Well life that you cant predict.

It's natural for you to feel this way after his indiscretion. It will take more time for him to rebuild your trust. You will be alright but not necessarily the same. We can't go back but we can go forward and once again find love, peace and happiness. Best of luck to you both.

Thank you. I want to move on but my feelings right now to that ***** 'I wanna kill her'! I know it's a bad idea but maybe until now I can't forgive them for breaking my life.

This is not something to process on your own. I strongly suggest some marriage counselling for both of you. Find out why he cheated and to help you know if it will happen again. Often cheaters say they never will but somehow find themself back in the same place.

I'm afraid to experience again if that will gonna happen over and over again. That's why I'm still confuse of my feelings. Totally my trust is gone.

That is understandable. I have been cheated on by girl friends. By the time my Ex started cheating we were already separated so she felt justified.

Whether you stay together or not it would be good to talk with someone. You dont want to live with this the rest of your life. A professional can help you understand your feelings and help you to move forward.

Hopefully soon, we'll be alright.

You're going to have a mix of emotions for a long time with this. I hope you're doing counseling either individual or couples.

Thanks.. Actually were having counselling weekly but I do not know my feelings for him. I might still love him but not 100% as before.

Just be patient and work through the issues, the damage may be too great and you have to move on but be open and talk about it in therapy.

He changed a lot. And I like the new him now but still working on how we can fix our marriage. My love and my trust I am not sure for him.

Give yourself time to heal

Thank you. Will try to do the right thing.

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It takes a very strong person to chose to stay with a cheating spouse

Thanks, dear. A very tough decisions of my life.

Very true, just make sure you are not settling

Hmmm.. Let's see...

No, it takes a strong person to leave. Staying is easy and comfortable.

Some says you were stronger if you leave the cheater. Some says if you stay it's a tough challenge that needs to overcome. Thanks dear.

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Tough position to be in

Thanks. Been very sad when being alone sometimes.

I have no doubt. been there myself

Sorry to hear. Not a good idea to stay bu I don't have a choice.

there's always a choice. sometimes the alternative is worse though...

I see. Do you think what my feelings right now is normal? I wanna get over with this feelings.

normal? yes. possible to move past, maybe.

Hopefully soon. The hatred inside my heart is growing, maybe because I still can't forgive them.

unless you can get past that (unlikely), you'll end up destroying yourself.

I'm totally depressed. There's no second thinking of them.

yes I have been there

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