Was It Ever Real?

It has been a week since I found out that I have been cheated on, and it is truly the most painful experience I have ever been through. Everything about my story is disgusting: the setting, the person who she cheated with, and the circumstances. I found out from my sister that my girlfriend had sex with one of her husband's groomsmen on my sister's wedding night. I did not want to believe such a thing because I have put in the time and love for this girl that I didn't think I could offer anyone. The guy she slept with is a married man, and according to the source he wasn't the only person she tried to go after that night. From what I have heard she went into the night looking to hook up with someone, going so far as to bring a condom with her. I write this story on a tear stained keyboard because I have no one to talk to about this horrible pain I am feeling. I gave my heart to a person who said they loved my equally but I now realize that it was all a lie. It is impossible for someone to have it both ways, but apparently I was never enough to make her see that she didn't need to have it both ways, that I would do everything in my power to satisfy every need she could ever have. I am 24 and she is 23 and I realize this is young, but when in your life do you become the person that you will always be. When do your actions become part of your personality, I can't even look at this person without being sick. I don't want to hate her, I would rather nothing her and live with apathy and forget her altogether. I realize this is just wishful thinking and that to move on you have to face your problems with strength and courage. I wonder how this will affect my future relationships, will I ever trust fully again or will I always be suspicious? I know that it is necessary to grow from bad and good situations alike, my only question is why is it always growth through pain?

swami1002 swami1002
22-25, M
1 Response Mar 7, 2010

You know I sometimes ask myself the same thing why do we have to learn lessons we didnt deserve to have to learn. I'm very sorry that this has happened, absolutely no one deserves to be cheated on. It creates a deep unsettling sickness within the heart that one should never have to experience especially since our only error is loving a person unconditionally. People say to move on, forget and be strong, but why should we have to pretend to be strong when our world has fallen apart? I say cry, scream bang and break a few things, get a hobby, do what you must to survive each day because that is the goal to keep living each day. Remember what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger. The world works in mysterious ways and sometimes the people who deserve the most sunshine get only rain. This will get better do not worry. If you have no one to confide in then confide in yourself, what always helps me is writing my feelings in a journal. Write the things you wish to say to her or the things you wish to say to yourself. Dont hold in your emotions when they were meant to be expressed and let out. And dont worry you will learn to trust again. Pain is only temporary afterall its the memories that we leave with forever, but they dont always have to be painful. I know how you feel I was cheated on a few months ago and the one thing I regret most is wasting away my life in depression dont do that to yourself. Cry, be depressed for awhile, but one day you have to wake up and let go. It wont easy, but it will be necessary. I hope I helped in some small way and I wish you happiness for your future.