Twice Divoced

I was married at age 19 to my first husband.  I moved to a big city after high school and got a job at a Big Boy as a waitress and his parents owned it.  I moved in with him right away and was pregnant not long after...we decided to get married.  The day after our wedding, we found out that the baby was dead and I had to have a D & C, we were devastated.  We went on to have 2 boys and our relationship got worse...he was very controlling and emotionally abusive.  After 7 years, I had enough and I left....I left my boys with him because I thought that they needed to be with their Dad in order to grow up normal, I always thought that boys needed a Dad.  I was so wrong and I have regretted it to this day.  He is a very good Dad and his wife is very good to the boys...its been 11 years and my "boys" are now teenagers..young "Men".  You can't turn back time and I missed a lot but I love every moment I spend with them...and the great thing is...they told me it was OK.
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My second husband I thought was "The One"...I loved him with every ounce of my being, we had 2 beautiful girls together and he became the boys' 2nd Dad.  He was also a State Trooper, I swore I'd never date let alone marry a cop...well, I did.
Things were great for a long time then they went down hill.  Lots of things changed and we were growing fast apart!  Well, after a year and a half I found out why...he was having an affair, for "A year and a half" with another cop.  I was beyond devastated!!
We went to counseling and tried for over a year to make it work BUT he continued to see her the whole time...I was so done and so defeated..I was having panic attacks and missing work, I was afraid to go anywhere.
Its been two and a half years since we split and I'm doing better everyday...I still take meds for anxiety and have a Challenge driving long distances but I'm always working on it.
I have a man in my life, we have been friends for 23 years and our relationship has its ups and downs..I'm very jealous and sometimes possessive, he thinks its cute, I don't, I hate the way it feels..working on that too.
lhockey lhockey
31-35, F
Aug 8, 2007