Why?

Always wanted to have someone care for me and take care of me. MIL said why did I ever marry him? Cuz he had the perfect family and he was always there. His vice is drugs, pot and prescription, and hard liquor. Extreme emotional mood swings and as I found out 7 yrs into our marriage and 2 kids later; can't and won't hold a job. He hates his life; wants more than I can afford and he will either scream at me or give me the silent treatment. I am no where near to perfect. I have my faults and one of my major ones is I will not support him emotionally. When he is yelling at the neighbors or getting drunk at the bar and starts in on someone, he expects me to stand up for him and get into conflicts with others on his behalf. Another is I do not know how to control the money or say no. So we keep going into debt. I left once. I am financially secure; however, he would come to my door crying and leave me notes. Says he can't live without me. GUILT! After 26 yrs one would think I would throw in the towel permanently. My opinion does not and will not ever count. For if I do have an opinion of course it is wrong and he will go on forever to tell me that. I have a daughter in law that is strong and states her opinion. HE HATES HER. He told one of his sons he wanted to beat her up! I am with him because I feel I owe him.. Sad huh? It is till death due us part..right? This is my third marriage. My first one was with child and daddy said "let's go" and I was married and had a baby on the way at 16. He found someone else to play around with while I stayed home... No sir re.. Second marriage was annulled when he moved his whole family in (mom, sister, brother and brother's girlfriend) and I was the only one working... Left that one fast. Yes, I draw them in, don't I! So here I am. Living in separate rooms of the house since our first son was born. Only having a relationship on his terms. Going to school and working full time for 17 yrs of our marriage so I could "make it better"! If only I made more money...then... and it never worked.. It only got worse! I would go back to work when the babies were 30 days old just to get out. When I left the kids were in junior high. He lost his parents house. Yes, HIS house. It was never mine and his mother made sure I knew it. So I stopped paying the mortgage. Smartest thing I have ever done and of course it was ALL my fault and will NEVER be able to make up for that one! We filed bk and I was able to get back on my feet and keep moving. Bought a brand new home, car and brought him with me and the kids. Life has never been worse! He complains about everything. Had a job; you guessed it: quit and now has a medical card because he is in soooo much pain.. No it's worse. No one is to come over, unless it's someone he likes! I know my story is no where near as bad as some people. Two of my three boys don't understand why I put up with it. To tell all of you.. I don't know why either. There are no more tears. No more heartaches. No more sympathetic hugs or I'm sorry. There is only resentment and frustration. He tells me it's not me, it's the kids or the DIL, or...or...or... Tonight one of the dogs bit our two year old grandson on the head and face. It is an american bulldog (big dog). He was outside in one of his moods. One of the boys put the dog outside as we worked with the little one. He didn't come in to check on him. He got really mad because we put the dog outside! He fixed a strong drink took a pain pill took his pot took his 22 and took the dog..took off in the truck and here it goes the silent treatment. Oh yea, did I say he is above the law with his med card. Am I nuts or just loony? I have nothing to loose; I have everything to gain...But I stay!
shadow2forever shadow2forever
46-50
Jul 18, 2010