The Pain Won't Stop.

Today I had a particularly painful therapy session. Even though she was recording everything I stopped caring and ended up telling her everything because I was in such a bad mood from having my period and being late for the appointment. I told her all about him and how much I hated him (though I didn't use the word 'hate'); I told her all about the rivalry and how much I wanted to be better, even before we were together... I told her about the one thing I secretly hope that he won't take away from me, since he has taken away everything else... if he takes that one thing away, I will have nothing left, and perhaps no more reason to live...

By the end of it all I felt like I had been emotionally tortured, violated and, as he would've said, 'spayed'. There was nothing left but just an empty feeling - not a depression emptiness but another sort, a lighter and more hollow type that I can't quite explain. Then I know the dissociation usually starts. It's like a circle that goes round and round... it will never end...
lntel lntel
22-25
May 22, 2012