Gf Was Raped

My current girlfriend was raped about 4 years ago. She has suffered history of abuse and has even tried taking her life and cut herself. Now rape is the most traumatic thing anyone can experience on levels of assault, men or women. It pains me when people glorify such a thing. You see many members on the site wishing they were raped and you get people actually lining up to be potential rapists like some sick sadistic audition.

Most if not all women would have had a dominating fantasy at some point whether they choose to admit it or not. However some of the people who broadcast these fantasies do not know the implication of publicly advertising sexual fantasies of this magnitude and how graphic their descriptions can impact a mind that lacks moral decency or better yet judgement about how their act will change someones life for WORSE FOR LIFE.

The fact that I have to think about my gf and how having sex with her can impact her mood, attitude and even overall behavior can sometimes dampen the love and connection during intimacy. The thought that if I go rougher than normal can trigger off a memory or stroking her in a particular manner can trigger flashbacks in her mind.

These women do not know the consequences of rape they have only heard about it. How would you like to be mentally tortured for pretty much the rest of your life. There is no cure you only learn to cope and to adapt. To know that intimacy will never be the same. To know that something as precious as sex can be the sources of your pain and emotional anguish. To know that even therapy that works for one woman may not work for you. To have to deal with anxiety over your safety. Feelings of rejection. Society judging you. Loss of love from a partner. Loss of family, friends, self respect, self esteem or worse yet DEATH because the rapist does not want you to speak about it.

Before you get lost in such things think about what you stand to lose if this truly happened in reality. You get so many people that say it will never happen to them, I'm sure my gf thought the same thing but fantasy and reality can be fused when someone decides to act upon it.

Yes people can potentially heal from an experience but the definition of healing is different for some people. There is no poll or table that registers how many people have overcome such an incident so we do not know the true impact of rape itself.

Right now my relationship is great but I cant help but feel that she is scared that I will walk out on here because of whats happened to her, or that I am not attracted to her, or that I feel she is worthless because of whats happened to her.

The fact that I have to reassure her in my words and actions hurts me because I care for her more than anything in the world. She puts on a brave face and she is actually getting on with life, she has graduated from uni, works for a hospital and is trying out new things in life.

I commend her for her courage in standing up and not giving up on life even though she almost did.

I leave a message out there to these women that think its ok to discuss these fantasies like it some plaything without any consequence. Lives have been lost, marriages destroyed, families torn apart because these things have been played out and individuals have acted upon them.

Nobody says fantasies are bad but it all depends what they are and whether you act upon them and also who you tell and how to tell it. There are people out there listening and you know who and when will pick up what you have said and act it out on some poor unsuspecting woman or man.

Please lets leave fantasy where they belong. There are so many ways we can prevent rape from happening and they 1st place to begin is ourselves in how we behave and in what we say.

Society has a part to blame in how they portray sex. Sex is no longer seen has loving tender and intimate, its always about force, the dominant man taking a woman against her will and she ends up liking the assault and abuse. This is more prevalent in **** which is now so mainstream that CHILDREN can watch and are learning this concept.

Life has a funny way of making our dreams turning into nightmares because we fail to look at the bigger picture.

Lets do well to protect one another strangers or not, we are all human beings and what we say and do can affect someone in the same city as us or all the way in another continent.

Always look at the bigger picture.
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2 Responses Dec 20, 2012

I to have a fiancée that has been raped 4 times. Twice when she was little by a family member and twice when she was older by a boyfriend. She is also a victim of abuse. Thank you for showing me there are more men like me

Thank you for taking the time to type and post thus. This is not only well thought and sincere, it is priceless and sadly too rare. Being a rape victim myself, I both thank you and commend your girlfriend for the combined strength and effort and love on this path to healing. May God bless you both.