An Incredibly Sad Time For Me

I have been on EP from time to time over the past year and a half. I always enjoyed myself and I have made many friends who I remember quite fondly. I haven't been on EP very much lately because my job as a teacher and my family life with my husband, children, grandchildren, and many others keep me busy. However, at the beginning of this past March, my life took a turn for the worse. My husband had been having minor problems with his stomach and he went to the doctor several times. Each time the doctor chalked it up to something minor. He was sent to a specialist who ran some extensive tests and the specialist discovered spots on his liver and on the lining of his abdomen. After more testing, a mass was discovered on his pancreas. The doctor gave us his diagnosis: Stage 4 pancreatic cancer. The doctor took me aside and told me to expect him to survive anywhere from three to six months. Of course, I was absolutely devastated. My husband took two chemotherapy treatments which made him so violently ill that he had to be hospitalized for much of the month of March to keep him hydrated, to give him nutrition, and to maintain his pain. Each day seemed as if he grew increasingly worse, although he tried his best not to show this to me and his children. Toward the end of March, he began having difficulty breathing so they put him on oxygen. On the morning of April 1, I got a call from the hospital and they told me he needed additional help with his breathing and they asked me if I wanted him put on a ventilater. I told them to put him on the ventilator and the hospital staff told me to get to the hospital as soon as possible. I arrived at the hospital 20 minutes later and I was met at the door of the ICU where the nurse informed me that his heart had stopped as they were trying to insert the breathing tube into his chest and they were unable to get his heart restarted. At first I thought I was living through that world's most horrible April Fool's joke, but it was no joke. My husband had passed away. We had only had 3 years together. I miss him terribly and right now I feel as if I will never recover from this horrible loss.

It's been two weeks since he passed away and I feel the need to connect to others who have faced this same experience. I also want to rejoin that part of EP that makes me laugh and gives me the opportunity to make jokes and enjoy the company of some very nice, intelligent, and clever people. So, for those who remember Cherrycheesecake, I'm back and I am looking forward to reconnecting with you and I am also looking forward to making new friends.
cherrycheesecake cherrycheesecake
61-65, F
50 Responses Apr 16, 2011

my thoughts are with you. x Life does go on. he would want you to be happy.

it makes me so sad when people can get sick at any moment and then be gone in the flash of an eye and you never get the chance to say good bye nor would you ever be ready too. Im so sorry for your loss and I cant imagine losing my boyfreind of 2 years who i love enough to marry. This is such a sad story, im sure your husbands in heaven watching down on you. My Prayers go out to you...

Thank you very much for your condolences. Spend each day with your boyfriend as if it was your last day together. But I hope that you and your boyfriend have many, many happy years together.

And so after reading this series of posts I must ask..."How are things with you today?"

I take one day at a time. Some days are good and some days are bad, but as time passes, I feel more hopeful about the future. I miss him so much, but I can't have him, so I must move on with my life. It is very hard, but I also know that he would want me to move on and not grieve for the rest of my life. He was such a wonderful husband and friend.

Thank you all for your kind comments and condolences.

Thank you so much.

i am sosorry to hear of your loss my condolences go out to you ! i lost my wife the sameway in july of 2010 . and if there is ever a place for help and support , you've found it ep is the greatest - its like my lifeline . all the best and my prayers and sympathy are with you !<br />

Thanks's nice to have a new friend.

Anytime. :o)

Seems there are a lot of people here for you.<br />
<br />
And I am one of them.<br />
<br />
Hope you feel better over time :o)

I hope the journey you shared together will offer you some happiness as time goes by. For now the ache must be terrible and I am so sorry for you. Be well and do not be afraid to lean on those close.

sorry for your loss. hugs

Hi Cherry just read your story,very sad and hope you the best.I do not think I have commented on you stories or question before but you did say you want connect with people.Would love to chat sometime.My name is Robert hope you can heal from your lose,take care hope we connect sometime.

Sorry about what happened. Be strong and carry on. I know you will always miss him.

And hugs back to you too.


Thank you gemini...hugs are very comforting.

no words, just (((((Hugs)))))

Dear Blondie and Doug, Thank you both for your words of condolence and your kindness. This is a difficult time for me and hearing from wonderful people like you make things easieir for me...just knowing there are nice, caring people out there who want to make another's life easier. Thank you both for your kind words and I hope we can talk more and become friends.

my condolences go out to you and the kids.. :( <br />
stay strong!

Happy Texan! I love your name. And thank you for your kind words and condolences. I will be happy to be your friend.

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you will add me to your friends list. I'm praying for you to get through this rough time.

Awww Denver, it's good to hear from you. I hope everything is going well for you.

All my Love for you, hun. I've been away too, but remain your friend and will be here for you. You know how to reach me.

Thank you fungirlmmm. I'd love to reconnect with you. I know you will bring lots of smiles to me!

Welcome back to EP Cherry.... I am so sorry that it had to be under these circumstances. I feel that i was just getting to know you when you had to leave last time but I very much would like to reconnect with you.

Thank you very much for your kind offer. I appreciate it.

I am so sorry for your loss . If you would like to talk would be more than happy to. <br />
Prayers<br />

Thank you very much. I appreciate your prayers...I need them right now.

mstub, I am so very sorry for the loss of your father. No matter which loved one you lose, the pain is very, very real. I lived in shock for about 10 days after my husband died and when reality hit me I just fell to pieces. I am slowly but surely picking those pieces up and trying to put them back together. My sister, who lost a son at the age of 17 in a car accident, told me that as each day passes, try to do as least one meaningful matter how small that thing is...and tell yourself daily that you are moving away from the worst of your grief and one day you will be more accepting of the tragedy. I send you my sympathy and a hug and may God bless you.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Your story has hit home for me with a slightly different turn. My father just passed away on the 8th of this month from cancer. My mother, brother, husband, and I were there when he died. I am not sure that the reality has hit me as yet, but there is a huge hole in my heart where he should be. I realize this is not the same as losing a spouse, but I just want you to know that I am so sorry and hope that in time you will begin to heal. You will always miss him and always hurt, but it will get easier. Just keep your faith and rely on friends wherever you can find them. My heart goes out to you....

Cherrycheesecake , I am very sorry for your loss my thoughts and prayers are with you ! I understand what you are going through . although times like this are not easy to deal with stay strong ! my wife died of cancer last july... it's not easy but in your own time things do get somewhat easier! Bless you and my condolences to you and your family as well! Peter(vman1370)

Mailmanshadow...I can only imagine how traumatic that must have been. My husband passed away just before I reached the hospital. Sometimes I think that is a blessing for me. I would not have been able to watch him pass, that memory would have been engraved into my memory for all of eternity. My sympathy to you as well.

When my dad died he was at home in bed. I will not go into why. He had a do not resusitate order signed in his medical file.The paramedics came and my mother lost it. I had to tell the paramedics they could not do cpr or try to revive him. <br />
<br />
Watching him die and having to tell the people who could help him not to will stay with me forever.<br />
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If there is any thing I can do to help you, I would be honored to do so.<br />
<br />
Be at peace

I am so sorry to hear this. I have lost loved ones and the only thing that has helped me is time.

i am so sorry for your loss cherry.

Someonefixme...Your words brought tears to my eyes. You are the type of person I came back to EP for...someone who is caring and supportive. Thank you so much.

I am soo sorrryy.<br />
<br />
Really truly. You answered to a question in the q&a and you said your husband passed away, i just had to click on your name. I cant imagine how it would feel like but im sure in all his moments in the hospital he was thinking about you and the family. God is looking after him now. EP is here to support you. Aint enough words to say how sorry i am. Wish we could give you a big group hug where you can be right in the middle and cry it out.

And I am sorely in need of the frienship and companionship of my friends here on EP and I hope to make new ones as well.

much respect cherry-that made me teary eyed-so sorry for you loss-so many have missed your sweetness-and it so sorely needed needed and welcomed.

I remember you very well made me laugh on many occasions. I am very glad to be back in touch with you.

I remember you.<br />
<br />
Im so sorry. Sending you hugs and tea x

I'm glad to hear from you notg. I hope everything is going well for you.

I want each of you who responded to my story to know how much I appreciate your words of sympathy and kindness. This is an exceptionally difficult time for me and I truly appreciate knowing that there are such compassionate people such as all of you out there to listen to and respond to me.

this leter should be a wake up call to everyone.. we need to love those that are close to us and tell and show them as often as we can... stop and enjoy life as you walk through it..... i am so sorry for your loss and it is my hope that others by reading your letter will hug the ones they love today because of it..... my heart goes out to you.....

i too am sorry for your loss<br />
your husbands spirit is with you<br />
and will always be, by your side.<br />
he is there, in time you will feel his presence,<br />
take care, <br />

How true...I was far, far from ready to lose my husband.

Keith, thank you for your kind offer. It's nice to know there are good people out there to talk to.

iam so very sorry to hear of your Lose ! That is from a friend--If you ever need a Great Big Hug I am here for you.<br />
Truely a gfreat Lady , Wife < Mother and EP Friend. Hug & Love ---Keith.

Thank you both. I appreciate your kind words.


:'(<br />
<br />
you're in the right place, sweetheart. ♥