2 Weeks Ago

My husband and I have been friends with this guy "T" for about 6 years now.  He is extremely anti-commitment and had never introduced us to a girlfriend until about a year ago.  "C" is wonderful and we have a lot in common.  Actually, when he brought her over we realized we had Belly Dancing class together.  It is really weird how small the world is.  We have become closer and have a great time when we get together.  They came over for dinner a few months ago and we got drunk, played Guitar Hero, and read some excerpts from this Sexual Astrology book I have.  My husband and T don't enjoy talking about that kind of stuff and laughed nervously and acted all weird like they normally do.  Two Fridays ago was C's 30th birthday.  The four of us and her parents meet up in the city and have this wonderful dinner.  C and her parents are from England and they have this wonderful accent.  They are also hilarious and we had a great time.  The hubby goes with me to pick up a friend and then we all go to the club.  Hubby goes home and other friends show up that are giving me a ride home later.  I drank a little, but I wasn't drunk.  I go to the bathroom with C and she tells me she wants to talk to me about something later after she drinks a bit more.  Of course, the flags always go off in my head when someone says they want to talk about something but need to wait until they get drunk.  haha  We are all having a great time and we sit down to talk.  C starts making out with T and I make a comment about no PDA. So she gets up and comes straight at me and kisses me on the lips, in front of all our friends.  They were all having other conversations and didn't really notice.  As the night wears on and the club is going to be closing she asks if I can go out on the balcony to talk.  I have to weasel my way away from the others because the hubby had given specific instructions to my friend "L" to "watch me". haha, whatever.  We go out on the balcony and she says how wonderful she thinks I am.  It is flattering, no doubt.  She loves my mind and my body and wants to take our bond to a different level.  I am a practical person at heart so I ask for the exact details of what she is requesting from me. She wants for her and I to get together sometime and she wants a kiss at that moment.  It is her 30th bday, she is asking for a kiss, and my husband has said that he theoretically wouldn't care if we have **********.  We kiss and it is nice.  I really like her and I think we could have quite a bit of fun.  I get home tell my husband and he literally flips the **** out.  Not only that, he doesn't want to be friends with T and C anymore.  He is extremely tired when I told him and I just suggest we go to bed and not talk about it until the morning.  He seems alright in the morning, but ********** or anything are out.  Fine.  I knew he would go nuts , no matter what he says.  He doesn't have that free love gene.  I don't mind.  I have come to the realization that if I want to be with him that it is going to be monogamy forever.  This was more of a test really, something to make him see that he isn't the type to experiment.  We wake up today and he says, "I think that complete and total trust is gone and I hate that.  I don't like worrying and I want it back."  That did upset me, but I also know he will get over it with time.  It is a ******* kiss.  If he had kissed T for his 30th, I would have laughed. This is what we call differences in life view.  He sees it all as very simple and with rules.  I see myself as making a choice to live my life a certain way in order to live happily in the world that is "us".  I don't regret or feel bitter about things in life.  I make the choice and it is what it is.  A choice.

Krypton Krypton
31-35, F
7 Responses Mar 24, 2009

Wow, just came across your story, and find it a bit enlightening to my current situation! I just remarried, 4 years ago, and have these friends who do have a lot of dinner parties! I've been going to these parties for years, even with my first husband, as these people are good friends! My husband is convinced that they are into swapping, and I have no idea where this comes from! I've mentioned that I've known them for years, stayed in the same home, and gone on many vacations with them, and that thought never even crossed my mind as far as they were concerned! But my husband refuses to believe other wise, and won't let this one go! I think he may be interested in taking our relationship to another level, to use your term, but then he may also balk at this! He may drag this one one forever, as he's been saying this for years, but I don't think I will even approach it! Great story by the way!

Ah, the old theoretical meets reality conundrum! <br />
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I can understand if he declined pursuing it further. But to be all upset and end a friendship as well as react with trust issues is surprising to me. Perhaps what seemed like an interesting idea during the heat of passion was a little to threatening for real. <br />
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And he may have already been wound up having left you behind and worrying about it. If he was already getting anxious before your news he may have just been ready to blow anyways.

He is actually fine now. I am just staying away from a lot of conversations related to certain sexual thoughts. It seems to help. ;)

Hmm...I would hate to think I'd end up acting like your husband did...but I wouldn't be sure, either, as it hasn't happened to me yet (as far as I know)...and I like to think I'm open-minded enough to be cool with it...but on the same note if I were to be that way and get bitten in the ***, I'd berate myself with "who would go through with that?!?" and "didn't you know better??" for months!<br />
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I chastise many of my "open relationship" couple-friends that I've met over the years...not like constantly, I'll just say "I don't understand yous" and leave it at that, and the majority fall apart due to some complication of "he did this and didn't tell me" or "she rules the roost, it was her rule and I put up with it for only so long!" and so forth...so my limited experience tells me things like that...unless BOTH parties of the couple are TOTALLY into a lifestyle as particular as that, it will end in ruin.<br />
But I sincerely hope I'm capable of that kind of openness, if needed. Time will tell!<br />
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BTW: From what I've learned, you are a completely charismatic, though honorable woman; if I were him in that particular moment...I'd have worries and hesitant questions, but overall I THINK(hope) to trust you. Just my two cents.

I think in many circumstances people think they will feel one way and end up feeling completely different. It isn't even a miscommunication. It just requires the ability to move on from a feeling that wasn't expected. That is how I am trying to see it.

I am sure it is a very common scenario, played out over and over with names changed. Kind of like the diaries of a mad housewife. We never become enlightened or more open. Sorry, in a bad mood. haha

I wonder if people are truly hard-wired for monogamy or society has just pounded this into our brains... It's not easy being free in a world where people prefer to be slaves.