Nicest Thing.

After pondering on metaphysical shiznet for the last few days, I have come to the conclusion that my desire to be loved highly infringes with the possibility of actually being loved. Therefore, it's safe to say that I push away I most want due to my constant obsession to obtain such love

In order to reverse this curse I have brought upon my self, I guess I'm supposed to care less. In order to implement such difficult task, it shall take time, effort and overall, the ability of 'less loving' which is quite impossible for a crazy gal like moi.

And it's not like I WANT TO LOVE less. I just want to make people think that. Because maybe if I act like I don't care as much, then they'll learn to appreciate me more? I don't know is the thing...

Ultimately, I cannot make someone love me which in itself is the main conundrum. I can only be me. And hope for the best. And live my life. That's really all there is to it. But ah, that is so boring, and I know what the outcome inevitably will be. I'm not capable of being "loved" because I... i'm too ****** up.


This song feels like it's about me. Completely.

CrazyHippieChick CrazyHippieChick
1 Response Dec 10, 2012

Interesting theory, but I am not so sure if you are correct in your thinking. Love is the answer to all the problems in the world, but the first step is loving yourself Kiddo.

The Dalai Lama said a wonderful quote saying-
“I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace.”

I like that quote a lot, because it's true. But it helps to be loved by others too. I've really grown into loving myself, or tried to. Numerous hours in therapy and medications have made my life a whole lot better. Do i fully love myself? No, and I understand that and work that on that on a daily basis.
But being okay with being alone for the rest of my life, no, I don't aspire to be alone, as social creatures we crave attention, affection and love reecey, not only from ourselves but from others, too. You know what I mean? :/

Whenever I catch myself not loving myself for whatever reason, I just think about how many people think they're absolutely the greatest thing in the world, and annoy the hell out of people with that attitude, and they love themselves. Why should these people be the only ones who get to be happy without someone else's confirmation that they're worthy of love? Everyone has flaws, and if you can care about people so intensely, then you are obviously accepting their flaws. So why not extend yourself the same courtesy? If other people are worthy of your love, then you most definitely deserve your own love. It's not a matter of being okay with being alone forever, it's being happy enough with yourself, because that's what really attracts people, and if you love yourself enough, there's no way it will go unnoticed your whole life.
Also, I think acting like you don't care about someone as much as you really do is the biggest mistake you can make. You never know who you'll never get a chance to tell how much they mean to you, and find out how much that means to them. I made that mistake with one of my best friends. I tried to act like I didn't care about the things she was doing to herself, because I felt like she didn't care about me, and so I didn't talk to her for two months. After that two months, I found out that she died. Never hide your love. Love is too good to downplay. Whether it's reciprocated or not.