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Sister Disowned Family For Her Husband

I am from a large loving family of six, 2 sisters and 1 brother I am the middle child. We come from a larger extended italian family. We were always together, as tight as could be especially me and my sisters Dana (older) & Debra ( younger). we would talk atleast 3-4 times a day on the phone and email also. Dana moved away from home in her early 20s and jumped around from city to city. She was a social butterfly, loved life and everyone in hers, family was always #1 to her no matter what. She had an energy about her and we knew she loved us but when she would get mad at us watch out! she wasnt afraid to hide that... we would never argue over anything serious though and the the next day we would start all over again and be fine. My father who is Doctor would say she was a little chemically imbalanced and thats why she would have such highs and lows.
The one thing that dana had a hard time keeping were her boyfriends... had no problem getting them as she is beautiful and was so fun loving but she wanted to be in love so badly that she would scare them all away and her mood swings might have contributed as well.
So when she met scott after moving to california in 2007 and was so happy we were thrilled for her. Since the relationship seemed to be lasting months we could not wait to meet this guy, as she would be bringing him to our friends wedding in NY very soon. We didnt know what to expect meeting him, I was thinking that he would have some of the same personality traits as Dana but boy was i wrong. He was quiet at first but didnt have a problem insulting anyone or anything around him. First impressions are everything right? yeah i def believe that. He didnt seem too excited to meet us at all and it was like pulling teeth to have a conversation with him that didnt take a negative spin. First thing he commented on was how he wasnt impressed with our town and would repeat that he and dana would never live there. We live in upstate NY and are not poor by no means at all, you can be in the country and in 20 min be in the city, we really love our area. He lived in san francisco area so i guess we didnt meet his standards but we later found out that he is from detroit michigan, he grew up in a 3 bedroom house that was about 900 sq. feet... you would think this would humble someone but he seemed like a snob from california, we were all confused. Another thing we noticed with dana is that she was alwauys catering to him, making sure he was content with any situation he was in (which were happy occasions weddings and bdays) she ran out and bought bottled water because thats all that he would drink... my parents live in a 5 bedroom house but she made arrangements to stay in a hotel because he would like that better... she went overboard to make things perfect for scott who had no intention of impressing us or making us feel comfortable. They lived in california together for about a year and then moved to chicago to be closer to his family.. we all visited and kept feeling his negativeness but we saw she was happy so we brushed it off, didnt seem big enough to say anything yet. THen they schocked us all and moved into our town, told us about 2 weeks before and we were all floored. I was excited and nervous at the same time... My husband and I had our life with our friends and family there and dana and scott were moving about 2 miles from us, i was afriad that would change things because no one really cared to spend time with scott and him and dana didnt care for our friends and lifestyle which was normal, people in their 20s drink and hang out with their friends, play games and enjoy themslves right? no we were too immature for the 2 of them. They decided to move to NY because scott got a new job traveling and wanted dana to be near family. Only problem was that they never wanted to see us..they told us that their jobs were very demanding and they would see us and my parents on their time only... THis killed my parents, how can you move 5 min away and then never call or see them? it was torture since they had dont nothing to dana and scott. Then when they would come around it was uncomfortable, scott was always jealous if dana hung out with us because was had single guy friends that she had known from HS. He wanted to know what she was doing all the time... Slowly and slowly he started controlling her and made the decision that he didnt like who she was when she was around her family and friends, which was fun and loving life. He wanted her all to himself. He didnt have many friends so this finally made sense. He was very insecure and always need her around...  Our grandma died last February and he told  us that we should leave in the middle of the wake and take a break because its way too long.  Obviously he didnt want to be there and he shouldve have gone in the first place but who says that??? when i expressed that it didnt hit that she was gone i hadnt cried yet,... he reassured me that i would cry a lot.. gee thanks scott!!! really know how to make a girl feel better.  Comments like those are not normal.
 THe longer they lived nearby the worse it got, our friends picked up on things and people started talking about the 2 of them... she heard through other people that we did not approve of scott and **** hit the fan. She blamed us for things and started coming around with out him.. finally they decided to move back to chicago... my parents were again heartbroken. Her demeanor changed, she was more serious and was never relaxed around us. They moved to chicago and said its better this way and things will improve... well she hasnt talked to any of her siblings since thanksgiving and now its been a month for my parents. she never even sent them a card on xmas and when asked when she will be home again she said never. Before she left we all wrote individual letters to her apologizing for any wrongdoing and basically said lets startover. She only had nasty remarks for us and it sounded like scott was feeding lines to her. So now she has basically disowned us and we have no way to reach her. my parents are so broken hearted thats its depressing to even be around them most of them time. we dont know what to do. I cant believe how one person can have such a negative impact on someone else. its like she has been hypnotized or something. Any Advice would be helpful we are so lost and miss her.
Marie1981 Marie1981 31-35 1 Response Apr 3, 2012

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She is an adult. It takes time.