Surviving An Online AffairLet me give some back story so everyone is up to speed.
I started dating this guy in November last year. He chased after me, which I loved, and I thought the world of him from the beginning. Well, in April he had to move out of state, and being in love with him, I decided to stick around. We've been in a long-distance relationship ever since then.
During this time, we've had a lot of problems. His mother hates me for absolutely no reason, his sister has all her friends ganging up on me to get rid of me because they all think my boyfriend is cute (might I add they're all 15...we're both 19), and we've had the unfortunate luck to lose a baby and have to get an abortion.
As a side note to this, before the judgment commences, it HAD to happen. The baby had died and did not pass naturally, so it needed to be done. I was only 8 weeks along, but I was still devastated.
My boyfriend has always been...different. He doesn't treat things the same way that I do, and he rarely shows emotion unless it's something important to him. He also is a compulsive liar, and he's been struggling with it for a while. It has a lot to do with his mother issues, but that's beside the point. Point is, he will lie even if he doesn't need to, and I didn't realize how bad it was until not long ago.
Almost a month ago now, I found one of his social networking pages online, and discovered that he was talking to other girls. I had known he was using the site to meet new friends in his area, but I had no idea about the girls. He hadn't even tried to hide it as it popped right up when I found it. There were no privacy settings or anything, and I know my boyfriend well enough that if he really wanted to hide something, he would.
It's fair to say I was pretty devastated. Everything was rushing through my head; the lies, the possible physical cheating, the emotional cheating. I couldn't deal with it, so I told him I needed time away from him. A week later, he called me. He was crying very hard, and what I could make out of it all was that he was sorry and he was begging me not to leave him.
I told him we would take a break, and we've been at this point ever since.
I went to visit him this past week to fix things up more, and that's when I discovered exactly how deep everything went. After a large fight over my lack of trust for him, he showed me his phone. There were multiple messages and calls from one girl, who he called a "crazy b****". His phone saves all conversations as a chat so it can't be deleted, and I saw that she was only texting and calling but he would rarely reply. His replies were nothing more than "hehe" or "what's up" and the usual 'not-interested-nice-guy' replies.
We went through his phone together, and I discovered the naked pictures of other girls from the site. We deleted numbers, blocked numbers, and erased pictures together.
Then I saw his Facebook. The most recent messages were in August. He was flirting with 2 girls on there, telling them both he had feelings for them and how I was "irritating" and the relationship was "dying". I lost my temper, cussed him out, and then left to calm down.
When I came back, he explained that he didn't mean anything he said to them, and he believed he did it to lash back about all the fighting. He cried, again, saying he was so sorry and that I deserved so much better. He went on to tell me that he loved me with all his heart, he knows he messed up badly, and he wants to get better and doesn't want to get back with me until he can prove himself. Then we deleted his Facebook together, and ever since then I've been an emotional freaking wreck.
My heart is torn in 2 directions. I'm eaten up about this. I can't function properly...sleep isn't happening...I feel...lost. I don't know what to do. I love him with all my heart, and I'm not sure what to do at all.
Sorry this is long...it goes pretty deep.