My Mental Hosital ExperienceI was in a manetal hospital twice this year. One time in April and the other in July. Both times wer scary and relaxing at the same time. The first time I got into a huge fight with my husband and I felt like taking a knife and plunging it right into my neck. Instead, i went to the hosptial and I told the doctor that I didn't care if I lived or died. Mistake number 1. After that there was no going back. They put me in this room with a window in the hospital er. A police officer sat outside the whole time. He was not allowed to leave until I was transported out of there. At first the doctor tried to talk to me. I would not respond. So they did the usual, blood work, ekg, urine. everything came back normal. Then I waited. And waited and waited some more. Finally, I put on my clothes ans was going to leave when the nurse said I could not go out of the room. Then the doctor finally decided to show up and all she said was, you need to take your clothes off and get back into the bed. I told her I wasn't taking anything off and nobody had better touch me. Well, I did not say this quietly either. I screamed so loud the entire er inside and out heard me. Before I knew it the cops, two nurses with hypos and a nurses aide were in my room trying to get me to calm down. I didn't want to calm down. I wanted to go home. I was tired and I was ready to leave. But they wanted me to pull my pants down so they could give me nice dose of haldol and ativan. Eventually I did but only because I did not want to fight the police. They would not let me go to the bathroom. They locked the door and a lady sat outside by the window, peeking in on me every 15 minutes. I wanted to see my husband but they would not call him. He was an *** anyway back then. He dropped me off at the er and went to work. I still resent him for doing that. They had to bring a portable toilet in the room so I could use it because they would not let me out of the room to use the restoom. In the morning, the sheriff came and put handcuffs on me. They took em u to the state mental hospital. The people were very nice. I was so tired. They washed my clothes, offered me food. They gave me medication after I saw the psych on duty. I remember it was cold in there, very cold all the time. There was not much to do. back then I did not know that they graded you on everything, from how much you ate to whether you got up and came out of your room. After about 4 days of seeing no one, no doctor or social worker, I broke down. I went to the bathroom and cried. Finally, I saw the doctor and we talked. I went home the next day but it was short lived because a few months later my husband had me committed. I resented him even more. That time I had to ride in the back of a police car shackled and cuffed. it was beyond embarrassing. Even though it was hard both times, it was also a respite from everything going on. I did not have to think about a thing while I was there, and I didn't. But after about 3 days I was ready to go home.
The funny thing about being in the hospital was I focused on being so neat while I was there. I'm not exactly a slob, but there I had everything in a certain place and my bed was made every day. If there was some paper around I kept it neatly in my locker so I would have something to write on. I took a shower before most people got up so I would be alone. I needed to feel in control somehow, even though they were in control. I never heard so many keys and locks clicking and clanging in all my life. Everything had a lock. Snacktime was 3 times a day. Breakfast was yucky. The powdered eggs were awful. Dinner was ok. Lunch was so so. There were plenty of movies to watch, new ones too. But there were no games, no walks or anything the first time. The second time I got to go to classes in the main building, and I got to go to the library where I checked out a book and took 2 to keep. I even used the internet to email my friend. Some of the other people there were a lot worse than I was, and they scared me a bit.
My therapist said any time I ever get to feeling suicidal I can check myself in voluntarily . I am trying to avoid ever going back there, but I will keep that little tip under my hat.You never know.