In Need Of A New Start

I  will be 60 this month and have been married for 38 years and yet it took me 37 years to find out that I have been in a mentally abusive relationship all this time.  In fact I think that I was too much in love and thus too blind to see who and what my husband really was.My life has not been so bad,thanks to the 2 beautiful sons  and the quite interesting life I led. Things started to get out of hand when my husband decided to follow his dream. He quit his job in 2000 and we started sailing full time.I was reluctant to get into this adventure as it was not really my dream. Too make a long story short. He promised me that we would sail for 10 years and that I could have my dream realized after that: a place somewhere near the sea.
In the meantime the 10 years have passed, I kept my promise and stayed on board all this time,through more bad then good times.
But guess what: he does not remember his promise and tells me that I was the one who told him that he could only sail for 10 years.
Al these years he has been treating me terribly,insulting me even telling me on a regular basis how bad I was and very often simply ignoring me.I know now that he is  very good in manipulating people.Can react unreasonably whenever he feels threatened in his power over people.
Almost I I/2 years ago I simply could not take it any longer and  was ready to jump overboard.
After a fight ,my eyes opened for the first time and I left ,only with the clothes I had on.
A dear friend helped me to take my first steps to recovery.I thought I was making progress but the fact is that it is not easy to close all doors after 40 years.Moreover it is not easy to start a new life at 60. It feels as if  he keeps looking over my shoulder although he is miles away from me.
My biggest problem is that I depend from  him financially. No prospects of a job at my age and no pension.I am really getting desperate as he keeps controlling my life and I am afraid that I will never really be free.
Would love to get some advice from people who have experienced the same.

vmieke31 vmieke31
Jul 12, 2010