Im Thankful That Im Still Alive...

I met my abusive ex when I was 19 and I was with him for 11 miserable years. I really should have read the warning signs early, I guess I know better now. To anyone new that he met he would come accross as the most charming funny outgoing individual you could meet. Behind closed doors he was a totally different person. The charming charade that he put on was simply a front, he was an attention seeker and worried constantly of what others thought of him. He didnt like to feel embarrassed in front of others and was a very paranoid person. Unfortunately I would pay for his insecurities behind locked doors.

He was abusive in every way possible, mentally, emotionally and physically. I was constantly called fat and ugly. The way I dressed was scrutinised, he even hated the way I walked constantly telling me he was embarrased to be seen in public with me. I avoided going out with him to parties, gatherings ect because there was always trouble and he liked to fight. He was a crazy driver, very aggressive and always involved in road rage incidents.
I would sit at home (I wasnt allowed to go out without permission) and wait for him to come roaring up the driveway, my heart hammering wondering what mood he was in. The house we lived in was totally decorated to his taste, I wasnt allowed to have any of my personal items around. I would be bashed for leaving a hairbrush in the living room. I would get up at 3am to clean up any mess he made because he would wake up in a foul mood most days and finding mess antognised him even more even though he made it!

I was bashed and pushed around for cooking him dinner he didnt feel like. Plates of food were thrown against walls for me to clean up. But it was always my fault for one reason or another. I was bashed because I didnt wash a shirt that he wanted to wear the next day even though the washing machine was broken at the time. He liked to strangle me with my own hair, tying it around me throat and pulling tight until I was blue.

He chipped my front teeth, broke my toes and fractured my skull. The fractured skull was because I did not come to watch him play baseball one day because I was sick with the flu. He pushed me around and I while I cowered on the floor he punched me so hard on top of the head that my nose started bleeding from both nostrils. I was barely consious and he kicked me all the way to the bedroom in my stomach while I dragged myself along the floor. He locked me in the bedroom because he couldnt stand to look at me crying. The apologies had stopped long ago. He became more and more agressive and very unstable. I was absolutely petrified of him, every day was like walking on eggshells, it was horrible.

The crunch came one day when I was at work and he hacked into my facebook account. I was friends with guys on facebook and that was it, simply friends. He went totally crazy and called my work abusing me accusing me of cheating (although he spent the better part of 11 years cheating on me) and I knew that I simply could not go home because he would kill me. My work had to go into lock down, security was called because he said he was going to come and kill me. I filed a report with the police and did not go home ever again. I quite literally had the clothes on my back and nowhere to go. I stayed in a hotel and went before a judge the very next day to get an intervention order against him. It took almost 2 years of stalking, abusive phone calls and being harassed to put him in jail for a short period of time. He has been out of jail for a month and he's already coming after me.

In live a life of constant fear, always looking over my shoulder, locking doors and windows and not venturing out much. I dont see myself as a victim, just grateful that I got out with my life. People dont understand why I stayed with him. Well, all I can say is that fear is a very powerful thing!! Thanks for reading my story.  


archangelgirl archangelgirl
9 Responses Jan 15, 2012

That guys a piece of crap. Don't let the fear win. That's what he wants.

Wow, you're a very strong woman. I hope he leaves you alone, but with these types, you just never know. I, too, think it'd be a good idea to move to another state, somewhere where he doesn't find you and you can start a new life, free to go out anytime, etc. I know it sucks and it is not fair that you move instead of this moron, but such is life, unfortunately. With these deranged individuals, you can never be 100 % sure that he's going to back off. Thanks for writing this story, it might help other women in similar situations to read this.

Be safe. And, when you are ready there will be so many emotions for you to go through. Be strong, and be gentle with yourself - you will get through all of this and find your own life again. You are strong.

and yes - what many don't understand, is that it is no weakness or low self-esteem that keeps many people in these relationships. it is not feeling that we 'deserve' this - we know we don't. it is fear. plain and simple. i know it as well.

You are an inspiration, i hope only pure happiness for you!

Cima, don't go back to him!<br />
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Archangelgirl, I can relate. The fear keeps us from saving ourselves. People say "if things were so bad, why didn't you just leave?" They don't understand the fear instilled in us. <br />
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Congrats on getting out! I hope you find complete freedom from him. May he get hit by a bus so he can't torment you anymore.

Thanks to everone for their kind comments. I have moved 6 times in two years and quite frankly Im tired of running. I deserve to have a life too :). I have a restraining order on him still, so if he comes near me I report it but half of the time it is my word against his so the police dont do much. I have been to court so many times and it is such an emotional drain. Just to see his wicked face again and hear his voice is traumatising. I take 1 step forward then bang! he stalks me again and Im back to square one. But Im stronger now and I want to desperately move on. :)

horrible. take care of yourself. stay away from him.

Oh wow. That was really horrible. Horrible is an understated word to use. It's the fear. I'm glad for you, that you finally break free of this cowardly monster who picked on you for your vulnerability. Is there some way you can get away from him? Like move away from your old place so that he will not find you again?

I'm sorry for all that has happened to you. I'm glad you got out safely. Remain strong and be one step ahead of him.<br />
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Take Care