New Relationships ='s a New Form of Abuse For Me

It might sound CRAZY.. but its true.. And i don't just dive into relationships usually, i wait til the man i'm getting use to/ adjusted to seems like a nice person, As the say we do learn from our mistakes and become more cautious and careful when we do go looking for friendship/ or love...I like to make sure we get along, and well when it seems all smooth like and goes on like this for months and no serious arguements or issues, ( well jealousy always seemed to be there) but otherwise..seems like a clear path to step up.  Maybe not a good thing with the jealousy issues meaning, trust issues.  Another story of my life issue, that i couldn't control, or they couldn't, i think it would be hard for 2 jealous people to hook up and be happy.  My first relationship was fine, til i have my first little one, within 5mnths after he left.  He wasn't ready for that life yet, and he was doing a gazillion things, school, work, university, seeing a psychologist. so a new baby was not an option at that time, he left her with me.  We still keep in touch and still  have lil disputes about our daughter but she's 21, so its more out of concern amongst ourselves.  The 2nd serious relationship i was in, had no kids with the mad but he and I moved in together and he didn't stay there after 3 days.. I had 2 kids by then, 2nd lil one was from a one-night-stand, something i'm not proud of but he was after all my baby, and still is.  This guy (bf) was very nice looking, but had no room for any commitement, i guess what i was looking for, he left soon after for some other girl.  The 3rd serious relationship, I had my 3rd child with, he was 2yrs younger than me, nice looking but again not ready to settle down.  He wanted to party, drink, hang out with other girls, and this is just what i was aware of, i'm sure he was cheating on me, but he kept coming back to my place, like he wanted to be there.  In time i lost my 3 kids because of this man because he was abusive.  We never got back together after that, i seen him maybe twice on the street, once he wanted to come back home with me.  Geeze.. I had to battle 18mnths with an organization to get my kids back, plus the one i gave birth to and this organization took him (my 3rd child) ..well while my kids sat in foster homes, i had to fix my life up.  I met the next wolf in sheep's clothing.  I played it really safe i just talked to him for 6mnths plus, we didn't even meet til after this time-span. We started dating over a communication device, after 6mnths of talking.  Yet we never met yet.  I got my kids back within this time as well.  He think he's solely responsible for them coming back. Within a year of living together i was already suffering with anxiety, he left for 3 days, but came back, after that it just sorta went downhill for me, deal with anxiety and depression for 10 years, i barely went out, but also went through Hives, chicken pocs (at 31) and had a 4th child, and his first.  Well i am not saying i was anything close to perfect, but i was trying my hardest not to make mistakes, of course not easy when your kinda blind to alot of things, me being naive, back then.  By the time his child was 3, he was gone, and i was on my own again, within 3yrs of him leaving he had her removed from my life and its been 3yrs to battle to get her back without success. Sighs..

Sorry its so long.. i could of kept going