Can It Get Any Worse?
Well Im a much different person now then I was back when I was young and stupid. As many people put it! Or labled me. I had my first child when I was 15 years old. I dont regret that what so ever, he is the love and pride and joy of my life!! Hes gonna be 15 this winter!! And thriving at his goals! Altho he makes life a lil hard on me sometimes, but thats what kids do nowa days to moms and dads all over the world. His dad and I were never really a couple...we had spent some weekends together...but nothing for a commitment!! I found out I was expecting a child...and I wanted to RUN ...RUN FAR AWAY!! However....I had made a descion on staying at home with my mom. My mom was gonna FLIP HER F@CKING LID with me. I was her only daughter, and she wanted what was best for me( FINNISHING SCHOOL FIRST)
Well things didnt go as bad as I thought...SURPRISE SURPRISE!! MOM was more then understanding to me. She helped me move on with school, and I got the education that I needed at that young age..I was like I said only 15 years old....with NO EXPERIENCE..but that didnt matter..I wanted to do well for my child, I wanted to learn everything there was to learn about being a MOM, and having to take care of a child!! I went to all the parenting classes they had to offer...I listened to the elders, and I even read all the books, altho..all the reading and listening never warned me about the man in my life....
When my son was just ...18 months old ( 1 1/2) I met this guy....he was just a year older then I was...I was now 16 years old, and he was 17...we got along great, and we moved intogether after "Hanging out" for 8 months. My baby was just turning 2 when we all moved in together. Things were great...we did the whole "Family" thing for years...then I was expecting my 2nd child at the age of 20. Well things were ok....until I was in my 7th month of pregnancy, when we went to a wedding social, and he got "DRINKING" with his buddy's....well I wasnt in the mood to stick around and party all night long!! I was expecting...I was also very tired and my feet hurt like SIN by the end of the night. I had danced a few times with a few old friends I hadnt seen in awhile. I kissed the bride and groom ( My Cuzzins ) Anyways....I wanted to go home by 2:30 or so from the party, hense the reason I was saying good bye to everyone at the party, weither they remebered or not....since they were all hammered!!
I finally got him in the car...it only took 30 more mins to get him in the car, even with a beer...after I said NO BOOZE in the car, he still insisted!! Well I still had to focus on the drive home which was still another 35 mins away..or more if I didnt know how to go the back way, I would have went on the hiway ...but he said he'd stay awake and tell me where to turn !!
Well I remembered the way back...I didnt say much to him on the way, since he was blubbering on and on about how i was making a fool outta myself for dancing while i was expecting. I said there was nothing wrong with dancing...it wasnt like i was doing god damm jumping jacks or belly dances..and with that he smacked me!!! RIGHT IN THE FACE!! MY eyes started to burr with tears, cause it ****** HURT!! I had never been hit before!! NEVER BY MY BF!! I bl
I continued to drive home, and he continued to hit me in the face....I said please stop that, I am driving and cant see....he didnt!!
WELL FINALLY we got home, and he beat the ever loving **** outta me...held my head under the cold tap while running water!!! Telling me I didnt deserve his child since I was a ******* *****!!! OMG!! I Didnt even know I had done anything wrong!!! I finally got away from the tap, and by this time I WAS LIVID!! I WAS TOTALLY PISSED OFF at this point!! HOW ****** DARE HE DO THAT TO ME!!! So I grabbed the broom!! AND I HIT HIM back , it was my only defense !! I couldnt fight, I didnt know how!!! IT all happened to fast...but he managed to get the broom away from me, and then he pinned me to the bed, and sat on me. I WAS WITH CHILD!!! BUT it didnt matter to him, I begged and begged him to get off me......well he finally did, and i laid still. I didnt move for about 15 mins, and he fell asleep, or passed out.
I was so scared, I had no idea what to do next. I didnt want to end up like alone with 2 kids, so I didnt do anything!! I didnt tell anyone, I stayed !! MY OWN FAULT ( NOW I KNOW )
I had my second child in 97. And in a year we moved to the town which was closer to my moms! I had more people around that knew me, and I didnt feel so alone...the year before that ( 97-98) I stayed at home all the time, taking care of the boys, while he went out visiting, and doing his thing, comming home all hours of the night , smelling like booze!!We'd get into fights, he once pulled a rifle on me and the kids and shot towards the house we were living in...scared the ever loving **** outta me...but i stayed for the Same ole stories same old bullshit.
My first son took a shine to this man!!! I was feeling lost I didnt know what eles there was that I could do, I knew I didnt want to move home!!
So the first few months of being back close to my parents were good!! WE had so much to do all the time, and we always had a place to go !! ( boys and i ) cause he wasnt always around. He had gotten a job now!! LOL with his aunt and uncle on the lake! Well one day was pay day, and I wanted, or needed him to pick up milk, but he says to me, oh ...I only got " two tires, and a pack of smokes this pay day" I WAS STUMMMMPPED!! I was like WTF?? I said omg what the hell are u working for? 3 bucks a day?? HE HAD worked well over 120 hours being on the lake......WELL WHATEVER I SAID, and he got up and smacked me! And so I told him , he and his family were NOTHING BUT ********!!! THEY took advantage of his good nature to work!! And he could do much more for alot more then 3 bucks a ******* DAY!! Which was what it worked out to be!!
Anywayz...he told his family what i had said, and they no longer picked him up for work...they stopped comming over to out place, and I wasnt allowed in their homes either, but he was more then welcome to bring our son!! I said NO WAY to that, cause it was UNFAIR!! HOW could they just ignore my other child all of a sudden, when they had welcomed him with open arms when we first got together? Well!!!
He got another job, @ a skating rink.....he would be gone for HOURS!! Im not kidding HOURS at a time..and really how long does it really take to spray the ice once its already made???? WHATEVER!! Or to sweep or mop a area about ...oh 10 x 12? Doesnt take a brainiac to do the math here??!!!!
Well I also at the time was acused of dating this guy i grew up with!! I had known him for like 15 years!! HIS WIFE AND I were BEST FRIENDS!! THEY had 3 of their own kids!!! WELL WhATEVER i wasnt putting up with that ****!! I confronted him on that, and things got heated, and he left.....he went to work, well i got some news that was rather shocking in my case...he was cheating !! I then found out that I was expecting another child..( July 2001 ) Well I wasnt gonna put up with that bullshit anymore, i had enough!! I kicked his sorry *** out! We couldnt get along even after another try at it! I took him back 3 days after kicking him out, but then realized what I was doing...this wasnt right, the lies, the beatings, the bullshit he started with my friends, my family..my kids!! I couldnt do it anymore...I had to give up !! He wasnt gonna change, the more time we spent away from each other the better it was !! I no longer felt the need to speak to him other then the fact that we had children together!! It wasnt until after I had my daughter that I spoke to him once more before realizing HE was not what I was wanting outta life!!
I soon moved to the city...with my 3 children under my wings, and met a man....we are now married, and have a 2 year old daughter.
He is good with the other children...he treats us well!! Altho....no one is perfect, but we make it work!!
SO u ask me why did I stay for so long in a bad realtionship and put my children through that kinda life...well I live with the guilt of that every day, knowing I could have changed things along time ago .