I Should Have Broken It Off First

This time one year ago, I was being pushed around by my (then) boyfriend. Here is what happened;

When I was 11 years old, I met a boy named *Charlie. He was my brother's friend (they met in football practice). When he first walked through our door, it was love at first sight--for me at least.
I never stopped loving Charlie, but I never told him how I felt. He had a girlfriend, but I never intruded, I just wanted him happy. If it was with someone else, then so be it. All I have EVER wanted for him was his happiness. Even though I dated other guys, I ALWAYS thought of him. He eventually enlisted into the Air Force and was deployed to South Korea my Sophmore year of high school.
He came home my Junior year. His girlfriend of 3 years had broken up with him while he was overseas. He came back and we ended up... *cough*getting together, 4 times. He still had no idea that I loved him--weird, huh?
The problem was, that I was with another guy, *Doug* at the time. I didn't really care about him because he was a "your-brother-cheated-on-me-so-I'll-make-him-mad-by-dating-you-know" guy. (unfortunately... he felt the opposite for me)
I told 2 of my friends what had happened. One of them went behind my back and told him (one month after I cheated). We were going on a date that night when he came over an hour early. He was really calm and said that we could walk instead of drive (it'd be more "romantic" he said). So we started walking... but in the different direction from where we were supposed to be going. When we had left my property, he turned and asked me, "What did you do with Bronson when he was here in town a while back?" .... I was SHOCKED! I lied and said, "Nothing much, watched a movie at my house then partied at yours, remember honey?"
At that moment, he pulled out a knife and informed me that he knew what happened and he wanted to know everything we did. I tried to run, but he said he was faster, I knew it, and he would kill me if I tried.
So, for 4 hours, I told him everything that had happened. We finally walked back to my place. I was relieved because my mother was supposed to have been home ... she called and told me that she was running late and she would be home in an hour. So, Doug walked into my house with me and demanded my phone. I gave it to him and he grabbed my arm and forced me to call Charlie. We went back outside (the neighbors tell my mother if I was ever alone with a guy inside) and we sat on my porch. He pulled me in close and wrapped his arm around my waist with the knife resting on my thigh (he had it the whole time we were talking). He confronted Charlie about the whole thing and threatened that he and I would regret what we did together. With that, he hung up the phone, dragged me inside and layed down on the couch.
I thought he was going to break up with me, but he didn't.

That was the beginning of the abuse.

For the next 2 months, he would yell and scream at me for no reason, bring up Charlie, and he eventually started to hit me. I would come home with bruises and scratches and my mother would ask what happened. I always told her that his dog played with me a little too rough.
One time before school started, he met me by our lockers and lifted up his shirt. He had cut his stomach and chest with a hack saw. He had also cut his arms and wrists. He told me that he did it because of me and I will pay for it after school. Well, he did. He took me to his house and locked his bedroom door. He told me that since Charlie and I had sex (I had a pregnancy scare) we can, too... "..no condom, just like you did with Charlie." he said. I told him no and he raped me.
His mother was in the kitchen which was right outside his door. I would have screamed for help, but he threatened to hurt me worse if I made any noise.

A month after he raped me, he called and told me he had cheated on me and asked how it felt.
I cried because he made me believe that I needed him.

Long story short, Charlie and I are together now and I couldn't be happier. He has treated me better than ANY of the other guys have. I love him. He loves me. We couldn't be any happier (well... maybe with a couple of rings but... )

*name has been changed
KoalaChic KoalaChic
18-21, F
2 Responses May 10, 2007

So glad this had happy ending! I hope you're doing better nowadays.

This is such a sad sad story. I've had abusive men in my life too and kept them close cuz i like you thought i needed them, and couldnt find anyone better. I'm so happy your story had a happy ending. And i wish you all the hope and happiness you could ask for, but it looks like you already have it.