Insecurities

 
i have not been in a physically abusive relationship, but it was a very mentally abusive relationship.. the scars were deep in my mind and heart.. i was with a girl and for the first 6 months we had the best time.. i love to laugh and make jokes and tell funny stories of situations which have happened to me in life.. and ive had so many lol
all that slowly changed, and it was like i was always walking on egg shells.. if i made a joke like i always did she would call me insensitive, that i had no respect for her, that i was a bad person.. so slowly i got sick of the fights and started being someone i wasnt.. i had all this anger building up inside and i didnt realise as i was letting it out on the wrong people.. a friend of mine said to me "how can the most easiest going guy in the world become a nervous wreck"? i started to think.. she is right.. im not the person i used to be.. i started to become paranoid and i would snap at the smallest things.. i had become a miserable bitter person. i didnt know who i was. the fun and happy person she fell in love with does not exist anymore. how can a person that wouldnt let anything bother him now become a person with so much hatred in his heart.. every little emotion would be absorbed and it would affect me in the worst of ways.. she had destroyed my self esteem.. all the confidence i once had, seemed lost forever..
her own insecurities and not being happy with herself was taken out on me.. she never felt beautiful and would always ask me about it.. i guess her only way of knowing i wont leave is if she destroys my own confidence and self esteem. but i chose to be with her because of the way we were together.. she didnt need to be worried about me leaving her.. im not the type to go from girl to girl.. but in her mind all she was worried about is i will leave her for someone better.. i guess she was right.. i did leave her.. but not for someone better.. i left her because i couldnt take the mental abuse anymore..

thank you for taking the time to read..

breastlover81 breastlover81
26-30, M
21 Responses Nov 9, 2012

good on you for having the courage to leave and reclaim your life emotional/mental/ abuse is just as bad and as damaging as physical abuse its all the same its still domestic violence
My heart goes out to all victims
also a "survivor ", too) :) Blessings

Wow proud of you for having the strength to leave the relationship

It takes a while to see the light. I dated someone who tried to control me and alienate me from my friends and family. It was a bad experience but it has mad me stronger.

My last relationship was not physically abusive but was psychologically damaging. I am great now however it did take time to work through psychosocial issues I had when interacting with men. I have been single for a few years now which has allowed me to focus on my degree and work, maybe I will be with someone again maybe not. Either way I'm happy

Almost sounds like my story. Except my first included physical abuse. My second had a significant number of issues from prior relationships and laid most of it on me. I'll never be the man I should have been because of those relationships. Not truly supportive at all. Just really interested in what I could give to them. Glad to here you got out and seem to be on the road to improvement.

I know and completely understand what that's like!! Sucks!!

Toxic relationships suck, but sometimes you learn the most from them. I'm glad you got out of yours, and I hope you have nothing but good relationships after this.

Hi, thank you for being brave enough to speak openly. You will give hope to a lot of people who are stuck in destructive relationships.

thank you for taking the time to read my story and for your comment :)

Man,I think the girl still loves you.Maybe she just didn't find the right way to love you .She loves you too much so that she may become so concerned about losing you and after that she may become hysterical which may drive you crazy. So ,anyway she loves you but she may be not the right one in your life.It's not easy to find the right one .Good luck to you.

yeah well, all she did was drive me away and for me to build up anger.. i got out and never even wanted to see her again.. she had a funny way of showing it..

I dont want to Be rude when I reply to your comment (slund)
I just wanted to say to your comment up above.......
("Love doesnt behave that way"!..........!!)
(sorry) It doesnt a person who "loves you", "loves and respects ALL of you" "faults flaws and all", That is what "Love Is" :) Blessings :)

I know exactly what this is like. I have an ex that slowly changed me into someone I'm not. I realize now it was because HE was really insecure and thought that everything I did would lead to me cheating on him or leaving him. Like if I wore make up, that would mean I tried to look good for someone else... if I talked to my male classmates that could give them the wrong impression. If I didnt come home directly after school that would mean I'm out doing bad things, lol. Omg... so crazy. He broke me down day by day until there was no "me" left. Thank god I was young and got the hell out of there before it was too late.

that's so bad, honestly i don't know how some people could be that way. i love knowing that my girl is always trying to look her best and puts effort in her appearance.. some people just want to change us and be someone we are not.. i guess that's why he is your ex now and isn't with you anymore.. lucky you got out of that.. who knows how much of yourself you would have lost

Man I am so sorry that happened to you. That really bites. I am happy that you are happy again

thank you for your comment. it was long time ago and I'm back to my old self.. if not better lol

I am very happy to hear that. Everyone deserves to be happy and no one should be treated like that

You're right about that. everyone should be happy and not tormented or abused..

i feel like that was very similar to the situation with my bf. we dated for a really long time and it started off perfectly. then, i moved away to another town for college and he started acting controlling. he didn't want me meeting new people, he would tell me i was a robot and had no feelings, that i didn't share enough with him. then, he moved to the same college as me, and he realized his faults. but this time, it got turned around. he wasn't being controlling, but he would come and go as he pleased without telling me. he didn't want to hangout with me anymore. and whenever i wanted to talk to him about a problem i felt between us, he'd ignore me, tell me to stop talking, or just leave. finally, i had bottled up enough. i would start arguing for his attention and he would just keep walking out. it came to a point where he would push me and it would become physical. Tonight, he got arrested because the neighbors made complaints...i feel so horrible. i feel like it was all my fault. all i wanted to do was talk about our problems and resolve our past. and now he's gone..

yeah look, be strong and dont feel bad or that its his fault. no one has the right to touch another human being. there is always an option to leave. i can only condone such activities if someones life is in danger. you should take a step back and leave the feelings aside and just use your head. think of all the things that have happened.. is it right what he has done, not only tonight but all the other times.. obviously he hasnt been 100% in the relationship and you can sense that, and its your subconscience mind trying retaliate and cry out for help. if you keep going this way, you will probably start going insane. rethink of everything and evaluate the situation properly, and take the emotional side out of it and see if you are still happy with him.

My wife would always try to "teach me lessons". If I did something that displeased her, on the next occasion she would do the same to me. It was hard for me to connect two and two together - her actions just seem to come out of the blue. Like, if one day I was driving and hung up on her too quickly because I didn't want to use my cell to long, next time we talk on the phone she'll hang up on me in the middle of conversation. This kind of *** for tat stuff.

sorry to hear that

I admire strength, and that sir is what you have and so very few even know what it is.
Kudos to you!

thank you very much. it was hard but it also made me a stronger person. i will never let myself get into a relationship like that ever again

Im in this hell now and been in it for many years, no confidence no self esteem no friends, im trying to get out, but every time i try the tears start making me feel guilty for wanting to leave. Its really hard, I've got little or no support and most people think we have a good marriage, but behind closed doors of only they knew.

yeah i feel for you because you are married and its very hard to walk away from a marriage.. especially if kids are involved also.. all i can suggest is make some small changes in you life.. go for a walk, start getting fit and try to change your appearance.. that will slowly help you get your confidence and self esteem back.. i feel for you.. i never want to be in that kind of relationship ever again.. maybe thats why ive been single so long..

Thanks, there's no kids involved just the dogs who are always my friends. Its still really hard having to leave everything, people are supporting her and putting pressure on me because im the one that wants to leave, especially her parents. Im just trying not to be so depressed and the people i have met on here have been brilliant, thanks to you all

I can't find the strength to leave.. I know Im a weak person. The way you talk about what you went through suggests to me you have found that strength. Im glad for you though

yeah i did find the strength and it was very hard.. thats how they keep you under their control.. make you feel worthless and that there is no life without them.. so you stick around.. but i swear to you.. life gets so much better as soon as you walk away..

I started crying when reading youre story :(.

Im a girl, whos going through the same thing with a guy.

Im glad you left <3
xx

im sorry it made you cry.. you must be going or have been through a similar situation for it to make you cry.. be strong and as much as it hurts to leave.. in time you will feel better..

It's sad, her fears turned into reality....only because she set it into motion.

Even more sad....in her mind....she was proven right. You did leave. (For you to survive).

When in truth all she needed was to be happy, and grateful in her relationship with you.

The darkness of her fears, blew out the flame of your relationship.

I'm sorry you went through that.

I hope she finds peace with herself, so that she can hopefully be in a loving relationship.

thank you for your reply, she did set the motion, it took me a long time to realise that i needed to get out.. i had lost so much weight and couldnt go anywhere.. i didnt even want to see my friends.. i felt like everyone was against me.. ive got a lot of situations and examples of what she was like.. if people will want to know more ill be happy to write them..

I hope you heal from this as well.
(((Hug)))
:)

mental scars couldnt be healed easier.......

thats right.. it took me a very long time to be the person i once was.. but now im more cautious with who i am with..

thats good...... just be yourself.. take care hugs....

i don't blame you for not caring. i found out that mine just buried his third wife (like i am supposed to care?), his second wife also died, and he has cancer. why i have been informed of this i will never know, as i don't care. karma works is all i can say. i never wish hardships on anyone, but if they've earned it, then who am i to question? i wish you a very happy life.

yeah karma works in mysterious ways.. thank you for your comments and i hope all the best for you and your loved ones..

wow, i can so relate to this story. i am glad that you got away from her. i hope she can find some help and not treat anyone else like she treated you. good for you for leaving and finding yourself again. that is not always an easy process.

thank you very much.. and its a shame you can relate.. i wouldnt want anyone to go through what i have been through in life.. im not sure how she is or what she is doing.. and i dont really care..

Dear friend, anyone in the right mind would separate form a person like that. It seems to me as though she herself was suffering some sort of trauma from a previous relationship or something. Its clear she had issues with herself. I am just wondering if you ever tried to speak to her, find out exactly what's on her mind and why she does these things. But anyway, since you say you have separated, in future, do not let anyone change the person you are. Learn form this and put it behind you, Good luck and God bless.

yeah i did try to talk to her.. but it always ended up as a fight.. after fighting 5 of the 7 days in the week you just want the fighting to stop.. ive learned a lot from that relationship and i will never stop being the happy confident person i am..
thank you for your comment