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Walking On Eggshells

When I was in my late teens to my early tweenties I dated this guy for a few years on and off. Needless to say from the groups title, the relationship was rocky. In the beginning he was very charming. When he would talk it was as if I was the only person in the room. We were drawn to each other and started hanging out more and more. We would watch movies and have bon fires all the time.

After some time of hanging out we became intimate with each other. After we started to have sex and were officially in a relationship is when I started to see his true colors. He started to become very jealous and possesive even though I had given him no reason to not trust me. When he would have people over I felt like I was very afraid of talking to people who were over his house for too long because he would say I was flirting but if I wasn't social with them at all he would say I was acting like a ***** by ruining his good time. I quickly learned how much eye contact with others and how much conversation with others was enough to keep me out of trouble. One time after a party, he claimed I was talking to one guy too much. He grabbed my arm really hard and told me not to act like that. I asked, "Act like what, I was just talking?" And he pushed me. I tryed to leave and just go home but he kept trying to get in my way and instigate a fight.

As the relationship went on the control and intimidation got worse. I was still young and I didn't realize that this was not how a relationship was supposed to be. He would constantly put me down and tell me that I wasn't pretty enough and that I was fat (I barely weighed 120 pounds when I was with him and I am 5'4").

Then when I would go out with my girlfriends it was always an arguement. He would always be convinced that we were going out to look for and flirt with men but we were not. Most of the time we would just hang out with other friends or watch chick flicks together. He would call and text me constantly and when I didn't answer my phone it would be even worse. Whenever I came home form anywhere if he wanted to have sex and I didn't he would say that it must be because I had already had sex with other men and he would scream at me and throw things at me.

The scariest night with him was one night he was drinking and he became angry. He took my phone and took it apart so that I couldn't call anyone and then he wrapped his hands around my throat and I just stared into his eyes as I ran out of breath, terrifyed and wondering if he would stop. Eventually he did and I managed to get away. The next day he called me when he had sobered up and apologized. I was reluctant to take him back but he promised it would never happen again and told me he wouldn't drink when we were together any more. He then took me shopping and showered me in gifts to keep me happy. For a while things were ok but soon enough he forgot all about his promise to stop drinking. There were a lot more incidents where he put me down and screamed and threw things.

The final straw was one night when we got into an arguement he punched me in the face. I was done. Ridding my life of him was hard because as many of you know who have been in this type of relationship, they control you so it is easy to feel like you have no where to go. Most of my friends were his friends, so I was left with only a handful of girlfriends, just so that I didn't have to risk seeing him.

It was hard for a while but then everything got so much better. I focused my energy on me and my school work. I made new friends. And now I am with the man of my dreams. It seems sometimes that by leaving your abuser you will have nothing but if you have the strength to get past that one little hump, you will find that everything gets better.
an2012 an2012 22-25, F 3 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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We all have little (or even big) thing we put up with in a long term relationship or find a challenge; but control and assault - sounds like time to walk

I've got a friend in a very similar situation and it breaks my heart to watch her go through this. I'm so glad you are safe and happy. I hope my girlfriend will find the courage to do what you have and move on. It's not easy but as you say, it's worth it. *hugs*

Well I am sorry that happened to you at let you got out of it. But this is how they get hold of you it's the sex once you have sex it's sorta like a drug you want it and seeing that you have the person you will not look for anyone else so you do not see that they are controlling until it to late.