i used to think that love meant, belonging to or owning another. it took me a long time to realize that wasn't true.. that it didn't mean to be someone else's object..

i wrote something on EP in a different forum and then took it down when i started getting perverted e-mail's about it. i even blame myself for that.. i brought it on myself by trying to vent out some of the unfortunate's of my life i suppose.

i am not that old, i am not that young, but a lot of things have happened throughout the period of my life thus far. one that haunts my dreams.. my nightmares is the constant abuse throughout my life.. by people that meant nothing, by people that i needed love from, by people i loved..

it seems to go as they say 'history repeats itself' and it does too often. i was a very unhealthy and frail child and that's how the story starts. it's easy to pick on those who are weaker than you. i know this, i've lived this. i've realized and felt pieces of my soul slip away, break, darken and numb.. never to heal correctly to their original form.

i'm a little hesitant to share the details at this point, because of the past posting i have made, but it still nags at me. it tarnishes me more to dwell on family, friends, loves, strangers.. who decided to break off and take little bits of me here and there with no concern as to what would be left over in the end. i know people are selfish, i know i am as well, but there is so little left of me.

sometimes i think that the only thing that is left, are the memories of the hate and lies, the pain and humiliation. that it's just me and these nightmares.. and then, someone else always seems to squeeze in, breathe a new air of life into me.. just to take double back in the end.

i feel so stupid, i feel so hateful and mostly.. i think i'm dying
febber febber
26-30, F
Nov 26, 2012