I've Been In A Controlling Abusive Relationship Before.

Just sharing my experience with you guys. He's now my ex thank goodness.

He started out as being really sweet and nice. I was like wow this guy is really amazing at first! He would buy me gifts and was very attentive. He made me feel very special and made it seem like he was the best boyfriend in the world. Slowly, he started to become very critical of me and corrected me all the time. He pointed out that my boobs were "too small", would make subtle comments that I was stupid, and that I was fat and that I needed to exercise more. I only weighed 120 lbs too. Then he started to make me feel obligated to do things for him because he bought me gifts. Things that I never asked for and that he bought on his own accord! Every time we had an issue (instead of keeping it between just the two of us), he would go to MY best friend to complain about me. He would twist things around and act as if he was a victim when talking to her. He tried to turn my best friend against me. He knew my best friend was the closest person to me and if he could suck up to her...that it would make his life easier. Of course my bestie knew the WHOLE truth from me and had my back. He got really mad at me because I hugged a celeb at a concert. He acted as if I cheated on him when all I did was hug a male celebrity at a concert for 2 seconds... He didn't want me to cut my hair or dye my hair. He even had the audacity to tell me "I will dislike you if you dye your hair". He didn't want me to wear makeup (not in a cute "you look great naturally babe" way but in a I DON'T WANT YOU TO LOOK ATTRACTIVE TO ANYBODY IN PUBLIC because I'm a controlling a**h***" kind of way).

He would get mad at me when I was hanging out with my friends. One time I came home at 11 pm from dinner with my girl friends and he was angry at me because he wanted me to be home earlier. He never asked that I come home earlier or anything before I went out. I came home and he was furious with me. He said he "needed" me and how dare I spend time with them when he "needed" me there for him. Every time I would get upset about his controlling-ness or mean comments, he would say he'd change and beg and cry and send me gifts. I'd forgive him and then the cycle repeated again. He never was physically abusive (then again I was only with him for a year and we didn't live together) but was definitely controlling, manipulative, and emotionally abusive. I started to have to make up excuses so that I could get alone time from him. He wanted all of my time. If I was not with him or texting him, he would be upset. He wanted to know exactly what I was doing, who I was with, and where I was at at all times. If I was out with my friends, he'd blow up my phone constantly...even my friends began to notice and thought it was really strange.

I eventually had the strength to break up with him and it was the best thing I did this year. I was with him for a whole year and I can't believe I stayed for that long. I think I stayed because I felt like I wasn't going to find a guy who was as attentive and "caring"as he was. In all reality his attentiveness and "care" was just controlling and abuse. I was so unhappy and everything about him was just repulsive to me. I was so disgusted with myself that I let someone treat me that way. On top of that, I lost my virginity to him. He was even manipulative after the break up. He threatened me and tried to manipulate me even more...saying he was suicidal and that he tried to commit suicide after the break up. Begged for me back. I refused to take him back and made a mental note to not forget WHY I broke up with him and everything he's done. He went around bad mouthing me and said "everyone's on MY SIDE and people think you're a b*tch for breaking up with me". Well, he was really good at trying to look like this "loving moral romantic generous good guy" to his friends. If they knew the WHOLE story and everything he's said/done to me...they'd definitely understand why I broke up with him. Luckily, the people closest to me know how I really am and that's all that matters. As I'm writing this, the memories flood back and I'm just so disgusted I was with him.
pianochick pianochick
22-25, F
1 Response Nov 27, 2012

I know how you feel because I also gone through similar situation. It's been more than a year since a break up and I am now in a relationship again with someone definitely better than him, but every time I remember him it seems to remind me how stupid I am. I have also heard from friends that he is spreading rumors about me dating an old man to financially support me, which they believed. I know I should not be too mad knowing it's not true, but I never thought that the man I've been with for 2 exhausting years of my life can make up such stories :D