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The Abuse Up Until Now.

I already wrote a story in this group about how I met James and how it all started but just a recap: He is a drug addict and while high on oxycotton threatened me with a knife when I tried to leave and made me have a ********* with him and another guy.

We got married when I was 6 months pregnant. I wanted to make sure he wouldnt leave once the baby was born and he just wanted more control. He even 'joked" about missouri have a property law on wives, which is partially true. He was supposedly clean at this time because of the oxycotton thing. A few weeks after marriage is when the abuse really started happening. He emotionally abused me to the point that if I hadn't been pregnant I would have killed myself. Even though I was pregnant I thought about suicide every day. A month before I gave birth we decided to stay in a motel, something romantic before the baby was born. I was so excited that he was being sweet. I felt like he loved me again and had changed. Then he said we should have our friend stay one night so we can all hangout one last time. I agreed because our friend was supposed to be clean as well. The friend brought hydrocodone and they snorted it right in front ofme . He knew I was still having a hard time withdrawing from it so he made a game out of it. He kept saying too bad I was pregnant and how he was so nervous because ithad been so long. Just putting on a big show. The next day all we did was drive around looking for more because he took all his. He was so pissed and took it out on me verbally because he couldn't find any. That night I was distant from him because it hurt that he didn't care about me or my pregnancy so he acted real sweet and tried cuddling and telling me to enjoy the hotel he had paid money for. The next day, the same thing, just looking for pills. He couldn't find any and he went to a known meth addicts house. He's a recovering addict himself. He asked for hydros, the guy said he didn't have any but that he should come see his new toolbox. I was confused why he tried to get him to go see the toolbox but he said no and we left. About a block away he said he wanted to go back and check it out. I was pissed at this point and knew the toolbox meant something. He got to the guys FRONTdoor while I sit 8 months pregnant in the car so he could do meth. Luckily the guy had already done it all but that was the exact moment I stopped having any love for him. I had my son a week later via csection.

The day we were waiting for me to get checked out, he decided he was going to cut my mothering skills down to the bone. He yelled at me for THREE straight hours because I hadn't taken care of our son the day after I had him and that he was at nurses station too much. He said he shouldve never got me pregnant and I was just a dumb b*tch, c*nt, blah blah blah. When a nurse would check in and ask if I was okay I'd say yeah I'm fine just anxious to leave. Mind you I was crying my eyes out, after the nurse would leave he said "Great. Just f*ing great. Now they think I made you cry" I just stared at him like he was crazy. He kept on then apologized and blamed it on the fact that he needed a cigarett. A week after I gothome we got into a huge fight, our worst yet. It ended with his knee digging into my csection cut that was not healed yet. He kept his knee there as he strangled me screaming "Now are you ready to die?" He said that 4 times and then got off me. If he would've stayed on me any longer I would've passed out from lack of oxygen. I just laid there in bed, silent as a mouse and scared more than ever. He apologized and I pretended it was okay and planned on leaving the next day while he worked. I didn't leave because I didn't want him to take custody of our son. He was constantly threatening me that my bipolar was a mental illness and he had nothing wrong and had a job so the courts would never grant me custody. The abuse stopped like it always does. He feels guilty and stops but it always starts back up again.

Since that incident he has thrown me into walls, shoved me, drug me across the living room and dining room twisting my leg the whole time, dug his knee and twisted it into my pelvic bone until I was completely buised and threatened me with a knife saying he doesn't know why he's let me make his life such a living hell and he should just end his sufferings now. He wasnt worried about the body he said he had ways to take care of it. He was more scared of what he'd do with the knife than I was. I lunged forward towards the knife and said "Kiill me! I don't f*ing care anymore." He put the knife down and that was the end of that fight. He also has texted all of my friends saying "I know Ashley's cheating on me with you, just come clean". It was so embarrassing that he had done that. I didn't want my friends thinking I was a ****.

I've left him numerous times but he always manipulated me and I came back. Now I'm stuck without any money,no where tio go and he's gonna get a phone bill telling him I've been texting my best guy friend (Cody)'s phone number. I'm scared for what will happen. God am I scared but I think I still have 2 weeks before the bill comes.
ChasingPerfection19 ChasingPerfection19 18-21, F 7 Responses Jan 22, 2013

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We'll if your still single I'm a very passionate guy and is looking to reap air a broken heart.

Haven't heard from you in a while...I hope you're doing ok.

I have been in your position before. Watch the movie safe haven it seriously is a play by play of my life. I ran away- needless to say he will never stop chasing you- and you have a child with him. Start taking pictures every time he hits you EVERY TIME. Put the recorder on your phone every time he's back from work. Put the recorder on every morning before he leaves. I swear to you that if u can show Anyone ONE picture of what he's done there will be an investigation and YOU will get custody. If you don't leave he will kill you, understand that. If you don't leave there's a possibility he will hurt your child as well. These men don't stop the abuse ever. He hits you and then gets you a hotel room then a month later he will hit you harder and get you a hotel room and a new dress and so on. Stay clean keep your mind sharp and don't let him manipulate you. The only way he is getting to you is because you don't want him to be with another girl right? Well he's already been with plenty I assure you. He's cheated on you so many times he doesn't remember. I hate that when your in this kind of relationship you don't listen to other people. They say get out and you scream "it's not that easy!" But baby girl nothing is ever easy and I promise you leaving will be much easier than living with a man for 50 years scared to death everyday (and that's if you make it to 50 statistics say you will be dead in less than ten years). Please please tell people tell people in your town tell your friends your family your priest your bag boy at the grocery store- so when u need to run you have help. I believe you will run I believe in you I believe in the life of your child that they may grow and live a full and fulfilling life without nightmares of if daddy will hurt mommy or if daddy will hurt me. You want help or else you wouldn't be posting this. My number is 3386581985 (my ex was on hydro long before I even knew him and I didn't find out until YEARS later once he hooked me on them by putting it in my coffee -sick huh?) I hold no judgement towards u. But if u need a place to stay money clothing anything call me ok.

You are in my thought's and prayer's, I have been in the same exact situation, but my abuser actually did stab me, twice, and thank GOD i survived, for my 2 children, you may think he will not do it, but he will......you need to take whatever advice u can get from anyone on this site and use it to get out of there, go to the website awarren98 suggested and please get out of there a.s.a.p.

Yeah, you need to get the hell out of there now! Call the police and file a report. They won't give him custody... Especially if you can prove the abuse... Get out now, before its too late.

Go to this website: www.ndvh.org it's the national domestic violence hotline, you can speak to a counselor 24hrs a day, they can help you get out of your situation safely. It is a safe site to go on. You are in a very dangerous situation, and need to get out for you and your childs wellbeing. Good luck to you, and God bless.

** I'm sorry for the typos. I'm on my phone and it mixes words sometimes.