Not My Fault!
No one really knows about my relationship life around me. Once in a while I'll tell a friend...but other than that I keep it from my family...so it was quite hard for me when I found out the one I was seeing was becoming quite controlling and physical.
I never really noticed it at first...it started with little things...more frequent arguements, him getting closer when we'd fight, if something was right or something I did he didn't like...then he'd completely switch into a monster...finally came the hitting, punching, name calling, degrading.
It wasn't fun but...one day I woke up...and realized...I'd rather be alone then put up with this...because my heart grew cold and his I'm sorry hunny and I love yous meant nothing to me. With the help of a really good male friend I was able to be strong enough to tell him I was leaving.
I realized it...I had never done anything wrong and I was nothing that he said I was...and if he couldn't accept me for being me...then that was his problem...and not my fault.
So to my dear friend Nick, who has long since passed, I thank you for giving me that courage and the strength to move on. I thank you for showing me I deserve to be loved and treated with respect not abused or yelled at. I thank you for caring when no one else seemed to...and I thank you for seeing that I needed help when for too long I was silent. You saved my life!