I am currently married and unsure if I am in an abusive relationship or if I am just difficult to deal with. My husband has never hit me, but the things that he says to me and makes me feel makes me question why he does it if he "loves" me. His family took me in just shy of my 18th birthday and we have been living with them ever since. I first met my husband in 2009 and he has been my best friend ever since. We literally would spend every moment we could together. We both come from abusive and drug related families as well as childhoods, so because we had so much in common he made me feel secure. Now five years later I feel like he is nothing like he was when we first met. I used to be able to tell him anything without fear of judgment and now I can`t even tell him simple thoughts. I don't dare to ask him to go anywhere, to see anyone, or even for anything. I wont even tell him when I am in pain unless it is obvious and I cant hide it. He has high religious beliefs and I don't have as much faith as him, so when I tell him something is wrong or that I am worried he just says pray about it and will sit there until I do. I am not allowed to talk to friends let alone have any, but yet my three closest friends I have are all back from elementary school and we are all a unit. We all have been there to pick each other up. Thankfully two of the three speak Spanish so I use that as my outlet because even though he is Hispanic, he was never taught how to speak the language. Recently he found it on my phone and confronted me on why I was talking to my friend and why in a language I know he doesn't understand. I simply expressed that I feel like its my outlet and while he seemed to not have much to say about that, he definitely did mind.
Gonzales96 Gonzales96
18-21, F
6 Responses Aug 16, 2014

Certainly very controlling if not abusive,you are young and think you need to get out of this relationship or he will cut you off from all your friends,think you need to get out sooner than later,

I lived in an abusive relationship for 10 years. My ex was both physically and verbally abusive. I can honestly say, both types hurt just the same. Sometimes I would rather be hit than to be called all the names he called me and all of the comments he made to me.

Don't let anyone do this to you. Don't let him stop you from seeing or talking to friends. A REAL man will let you do those things. It's just hard to see that when you are living in your own hell. If this is starting to become your life, change it while you can.

I have been with other people but he is all I comfortably know. I have been separated from him and my life was worse than what it is now, I was never happy. When he left me I went into major depression and was slowly killing myself because not only was home and school a nightmare but I got lost in my own mind because I let the break up eat me. Even after he came back my mentality was so messed up that I overdosed and ended up in a coma. I would've been dead had he not called an ambulance.
I`ve been assaulted, beaten, raped, stocked and in two mental hospitals from trauma. I have NO MORE family left, him and his is all I have and know. I don't want to love anybody else...but I don't want to hesitate when he says I love you either.

Only you know what you want and what the right thing is to do. Of course it is scary leaving something familiar and starting new, but it can be done. I went through A LOT with my ex, he is now in jail because of some of it, but is getting out pretty soon. I'm scared to death because of that.

I won't go back though. That thought hasn't even crossed my mind. It's hard to be on your own and "alone", but you can do it if it is that bad with him. You shouldn't have to live a lie and pretend to be happy if you are not. Have you ever thought about trying counseling?

I have been in both types of abusive relationships my firsts sons dad beat me daily I was 15 at the time it took a year for me to realize i t wasn't my fault. Then at 19 I was engaged to a man I though was my soulmate but after a year he started verbally abusing me and that sometimes can be just as bad if not worse then physical abuse. We woman all have our moments when we are hard to deal with but it doesn't give ANY man the right to say hurtful things to you. Emotional abuse is still abuse and no one deserves that no matter who you are. I may not know you but I'm here if you need to talk :-) . you are never alone and always remember you are beautiful and stronger then you know. Have you told him how much it bothers you? And if so how did he react?

I have been trying to reach out to.him for the past three days in a row. We talk at night when his family isnt around and then by morning he seems to forget or he will occasionally just fall asleep as I am talking to him. We have experienced a miscarriage together and I feel like ever since then hes been more resentful towards me. Recently he told me that I needed to clean up my act - as in my looks. That I needed to go back to looking the way I was when I was 15. I have gained weight since then, gained stretch marks, scars and ache. All irreversible things. But I felt hurt by that especially when he compared me to his aunt who is a slob and very disgusting. The hurt turned into me trying for the past five days finding ways to look beautiful; changing my hair style and color, selling my thungs so i can by better clothes and beauty products. Then last night he told me we were headed for divorce if something doesnt change.

emotional abuse ..

You should put your foot down and tell him you are aloud to have friends, tell him you will be talking to them and do it in English so you at least aren't hiding something

I tried to do that but then him and his parents gave me an ultimatum of when i better be home or dont come home because I was out helping a friends family. Then when I came home he told me I couldnt do even more things and took my phone away.

This is an abusive relationship. The scars don't have to be physical for it to e so.