I have thought about posting my story but often chicken out maybe out if fear and selfishness, but if anything I say could help another woman that is what I need and want to do.

I was in an abusive relationship with my high school sweetheart but it wasn't always like that at all! All growing up there was a bound with him and I one that was like cement nothing could break us without a lot of fight. Even for just being young teenagers we never fought, never argued, nothing. This carried in to young adults same never fought. We had a great life together and at 20 we got engaged. I waisted no time not one second on wedding planning, and within two months I was trying on my dress with my sister there, my dad, my brother and two best friends. This was it this is my happy ever after! That was until things changed. My then would be brother in law was found after a sucided he was 27, a friend to all, a son, a brother out best man. My fiancées world came to a halt. Depression set in small changes started, he would snap at me he would say hurtful things often. At the time he started to smoke pot didn't bother me a bit I didn't use it but truth me told I kind of liked the smell.

I have no idea to this day how it started but he started to use heavier drugs and the change in him became worse. He was a very violent person, and truly scary to be around. I won't go into details as I do not want to trigger anyone here but I will say no one deserves to be hurt ever. Yes people say they will change sometimes they do like with him he is clean has been for almost three years now it took a big change another large loss to see what can happen and what you miss out on.

I don't think I would have ever left him because I thought it was my fault so, so much but it wasn't. We are no longer together and don't remain in contact other then when we see each other out and about. He is happily married with a baby on the way and is clean. I'm happy for him but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt still.

I have comment issues now, I feel when people get close to me I will get hurt, I sometimes find romantic sex difficult because it wasn't what I was use to towards the end of the relationship. I ask people a lot that I'm seeing or am sexual with your not going to hurt me right and that is a crappy thing to have to ask.

I just want to say that the pain in your soul lasts forever but it doesn't mean we can't get better it doesn't mean we can't heal and love again. Baby steps for me baby steps :)

Please if your in an abusive relationship get help!
Chicgeekgal Chicgeekgal
26-30, F
2 Responses Aug 17, 2014

just to say that i want to be by my self alone

You are very brave to open up about your experience. You have done well to leave this behind you. I wish you nothing but the best. :)

That means so much, thank you!