Being a Kid and In Love

I met a boy (he was after all 1 1/2 years younger than me) my last year of high school and fell in love. i truly thought this was it, i was done looking....i think he felt the same way first.

burlington vermont-what a place to fall in love, with the lake and the cute streets and shops, the bike path, the beaches...


behind this beach is a hill, the hill i lost my virginity on


i gave up my full scholarship to a good college because i wanted to stay in the area while he finished high school. and i had a used car (my graduation present) and got a job at a pizza shop...and began supporting him.

my friend came to the area just a month after i graduated and we all got a new apartment together. i would work while her and he stayed at home with my car and hung out.

things got bad so subtlety that it wasn't until i was completely depressed without knowing exactly why...and then it occured to me that i would come home, and they wouldn't say hello or want to talk with me.

they started rolling their eyes whenever i spoke.

they started being late-in my car-to pick me up when i let them use it. then they stopped asking altogether.

he started calling me fat-my shape had never bothered him. in fact, he had loved it.

i felt like an outcast in my apartment, grateful when i could use my car to go to work to earn money for them. it was so sick.

i had a day off and they went on a trip to visit friends. she apologized-i didn't know them and they didn't like a lot of people dropping by...yada yada, i was left at home while my best friend and boyfriend went visiting..

about three hours later, i got a phone call. it was HIS mother, wondering when we had broke up. i asked her why she thought that, and she said they had been here earlier, and they were badmouthing me and she was sitting on his get the idea...

i swear until i got that call i had not given it a thought. and now, now i am with a guy who thinks cheating is repulsive and disgusting, and i can't help being completely paranoid...

i was suicidal when i found out. tried to cut my wrists and then gave up. i was sobbing in a ball when they came home and they stood there and laughed and mocked me. eventually the scene penetrated and i realized i was myself being pathetic allowing this. something in my brain snapped-that is the sound i heard. a snnnnnnnap! and i stood up, packed my stuff, and drove 22 hours to north carolina, never looking back.

is this an "abusive relationship"? it felt that way to me. i felt abused anyways...

there is a point in every abusive situation where you have the acuity, the stamina, the sheer balls to leave but you gotta jump on it. when you can feel iron in your veins and just can't take one more second of it...


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6 Responses Mar 3, 2009

Love ya too :)

Perfect sense. But own it after the fact ok? I've been guilty many times of not seeing things for what they are. There's no foul in that at all. <br />

You never see the signs when you are in the thick of things. It's like being in a crappy relationship. When your friends try to tell you it's bad you end up defending things. We always only see the forest once we've stepped away from the situation. That's just normal. It certainly isn't your fault in any way. How they treated you was inexcusable.

People like that just suck so much. You should've never had to endure something like that. Human garbage !

Its long back but I know its a enjury inthe heart.And the scrs outside heals up and are cured.But hidden scars looks healed up but opens up every now and then.<br />
<br />
Be brave and forget about it.They are not worth to be kept in the memmory.

Hell yes, it was abusive. Emotional abuse is insidious and can eat at you without you even knowing it's destroying you. I'm sorry you had to go through that with your first love. Good for you for getting the heck out, too. I have to say, though, it's a lovely place to have lost your virginity.