My husband is verbally and emotionally abusive. When he is angry, which is often, he tells me he hates me, he's disgusted by me, he's not attracted to me, he's ashamed of me, he's only staying with me because of our daughter, etc. he says if I leave him he will leave and never see our daughter again, or he'll kill himself. He NEVER apologizes for his words or actions. After a few hours he will try to be funny or sweet and act like nothing ever happened. I am so depressed and I feel like I can't talk to anyone.
Gals5 Gals5
36-40, F
4 Responses Aug 23, 2014

I am so sorry to hear this. I've been there, too. You know what finally got me to leave him? He told me one day that I had to either be exactly like he wanted me to be or it was over. I told him that it was over right then and there. I see that you have a daughter. You know, if she grows up hearing that kind of talk about her mother, she is going to feel worthless, too. Don't let that happen. Get away as soon as you can!

You need to talk to someone about this. Find a friend or family member or co worker that you can trust. You are not responsible for his actions such as suicide or his desire to be a father. You deserve more and your feelings are valid. You are of great worth. Always remember these things. Seek therapy and healing. You will find that this isn't a relationship you should be in. I am here to talk to as well.

I have known for some time I should not be I this relationship. I pray that god will give me the strength to leave, but I keep coming back. I am now ashamed to go back to my parents again. They are supportive, but I know they've had enough. I am afraid to break up my family as well.

It takes time and strength to do this. Be patient with yourself. Do not be ashamed. Your parents are there to support you. Yes they may be frustrated and tired but only because they love you and hate seeing you in such a situation. I have two children of my own. I can tell you that I always want my children to come to me no matter what. Know that by staying in an abusive relationship your daughter will be exposed to his hurtful behavior. Being exposed to such behavior can lead to her mimicking it herself or falling into an unhealthy relationship herself (because she thinks it's the norm). I will keep you in my prayers. Know that you are beautiful and of worth. Your feelings are valid and you deserve better.

I know how you feel. I lost my husband to suicide and my verbally abusive and physically abusive ex boyfriend used that and is still using threats about killing himself to try to make me do what he wants. We have a 2 year old son together and he loves his dad...I hurt for the mental issues my ex has but I don't love him enough to continue to destroy my happiness and live on this roller coaster. We only live once. What he does is his choice and his fault wether he alienates himself from his children or ends his life. I cannot make that choice for him and neither can you :( whatever choice he makes for himself you will survive it and find happiness. It's hell. Like I said I'm still going through it. He told me two days ago that he refuses to be a part time dad to our son. If he can't live with us and be a family then he " wants out" . I haven't spoken to him since . There is no arguing with a man who does everything in his power to manipulate your free will.

I feel like my friends and family are sick of hearing about the back and forth drama between him and I. I've kicked him out and moved home multiple times and we finally have separate residences ... I called it a separation " we are separated@ but now I can finally refer to him as my ex... I get what you are going through... That's why I am here. For a place to talk with people who get it. Because we are the ones who loved these men and understand they have a disease they can't control. And we are the ones fighting for our own freedom and happiness while we see what it does to the men we once knew and our children... I had to build a very strong wall and shut down my need to help people. And I moved home and told my parents about the abuse so he is no longer welcome on THEIR property. When I am weak my family is strong for me. They don't tells I can't see him. He's just not welcome here. It's my safe zone.

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So he's basically holding you hostage, unless you do decide to leave him, which you should. There's lots of good men who can't find any good women out there who would appreciate you.

I am so sorry to hear. I can relate as I am in a similar place