It Still Hurts

When I was 18 yrs old, I met this wonderful person in college who changed my life forever. He was someone who could floor me with just one look into my eyes. The first few years with him were magical, he made me feel like the most precious person on earth. We used to spend hours together everyday. He was passionate and I loved it.

It is only in the second year that I started feeling uncomfortable. Maybe the signs were always there, but I was too much in love to see it. He wanted me around him all the time. He began to dictate what I wore, where I went, whom I met-everything. I began to feel as if I was being watched and stalked all the time. No matter what I did, he always knew some way or the other. He didn't want me to talk even to my female friends.

Soon, this turned into physical abuse. One day, when I was just a few minutes late, he pushed me to the ground and smashed his helmet right next to my ear and said, he would smash my head the next time. But what happened after that was even more scary. He took put a knife at my throat and said he loved me so much, he could kill me. I found out that he was addicted to drugs and emotionally insecure. I wonder why I stayed on. Maybe I cared for him. I even started living with him. Soon, even I got into drugs.

Our relationship lasted for 6 years. Our break up was very messy. He stalked me for a long time after that. Deep inside, I still miss him, but I'm so scared of going back. Being with him has turned me into a timid person. I can't make decisions, I can't speak up for myself. I wonder if I'll ever get back my confidence. What hurts the most is that the person who loved me the most was the one who broke my spirit.

keteki keteki
31-35, F
1 Response Mar 20, 2009

like you i have been in an abusive relationship too, i never lived with him, but he did put me in the hospital. i wrote my story earlier, check it out. its tough, i dont think i'll ever get over what happened to me, but i can look past it.