Ive Have Been Abused Too

ive choosen from the age of 15 to be with abusive men

and you ask why is it all i think i desirve? no its becalse it was all i knew from the age of 15 years old to the age of 40 iam healing now i have a wonderful husband ,getting back to what i was saying

why did i get into such bad relationships with men. becalse its what i knew and its what my mother

tought me my father was mentally abusive to my mother and us girls and he was a controler

he was a womaniser so was my relationships with men they were just like my father and now that i started getting councling trying to heal from 2001 its been a hard and long road but now its 2009 and i

cant belive how far i have come and and still over comming the scars of the mental abuse from my childhood still linger in my head and in my heart being raised by wonded mother and father

that they never learned to heal from thier passed pain and the pain cycle has been passed on from

genaration to genaration but now iam trying to heal and pass on threw my daughter healing

and trying to pass on to my daughter healthy relationship skills so maybe she or her children will

have a healthy life and raising healty children

lunnas lunnas
41-45, F
5 Responses May 10, 2009

if any one needs some one to talk to iam here for you

My husband had an affair 7 yrs ago and yes I am still with him. There was a lot of factors that played into the affair like the other woman who used to be my friend telling my husband I cheated on him , she lied. I have never gotten over it because I truley loved him since the day we were married, but to this day I have a hole in my heart. He hasin't done anything like it again and has spent all this time trying to make it up to me, but It hurt me so badly that I believe it was too much for my brain to handle all the stress that my personallity changed permanently. I've lived on antidepressents all this time and any time I miss taking them everything comes flooding back. I have moved forward in some ways but I am no longer in love with him but I do love him still I think there is a difference between being in love and loving someone. At this point in my life I just want the sadness to go away, I have many things to be greatful for like a new granddaughter, 3 wonderful kids ages 21, 15, and 7. I must be too dependent on my husband like my sister is with her husband the only difference is my sisters husband never stopped screwing around. <br />
I too was abused when I was 4 by my grandfather and have read that people who are abused at a very young age will suffer from depression, anxiety and many other mental illnesses in adulthood.<br />
They say a certain part of the brain does not develop because of it. <br />
I want something more now out of a relationship, I am so disconnected from my husband that he often asks me if I love him anymore, and I tell him I love him but He killed a lot of my love and he has the leftovers. Sometimes i get so loney even when I am surrounded by family I feel alone. <br />
Somtimes I feel like tossing in the towel but I never do. I guess I'm just scared to be on my own because our relationship is all I have ever known.

i am 16 years old and am in a abusive relationship.. my counselour said tht if it is possible for me to get out of this one i am going to be more liable to fall into another one.she also said it happens quite often to smart women.i dont think it is fair to tear down beautiful young women who have so much going for them..

Dear lunnas what an angel you are... !! It is a great gift you give to yourself and your daughters....you also are giving to us here too...thank you for the fabulous work you do and your sharing that with us....<br />
<br />
I also came from an abusive and violent childhood which took lots of years of counselling and intensive therapy to overcome some of its negative and disastrous effects and I am still not sure I have got it all...but am now grateful for the path I have travelled too...<br />
<br />
I thank you for your courage integrity and love...best wishes and many blessings...

This is often how these things work, i done the same thing myself looked for a man just like my abusive father because that was what i thought was normal. As a kid i promised myself if i ever had kids i would never put them through this kind of torture. The day my sons father raised his hand to me after he was born was the day i left. I wont stand for any of it now this is why people say violence breeds violence, and that doesn't always mean you are the aggressor.