I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years, which I managed to escape about a year ago. For a long time I was very relieved that I was out of the situation because I never thought I would be able to end it. Everyday I felt grateful that I no longer had to live feeling like I was a slave who wasn't allowed to have their own emotions. I was so happy that I could see my friends and family whenever I wanted to without having to lie, or tell some story. I would still experience periods of acute anxiety when thinking about it. Sometimes I would have nightmares where I was living back with him. But in the last few months my emotions have changed, and instead of fear I feel grief and emptiness for the loss of my dream of a happy life. I guess that the time is right for me to grieve because I am now in a place of no physical danger, so I feel that these emotions floodimg through me have been suppressed for a very long time, as I wasn't allowed to show sadness when I was with him. I would like to start again and try and create a happy life for myself. However, I find it very difficult to trust people, especially men, and am terrified of meeting new people. Equally I would like to have more friends in my life and don't want to waste the precious time I have. I find myself doing silly things to gain attention and I think that's because I am acting out after everything that has happened to me. I hope that I am working through these feels so that I can come out of the tunnel
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2 Responses Jun 13, 2015

I'm going trough the same thing recently I'm not grieving over just the feeling that I may never get my happy marriage or family!

You too!

So glad that you're out of that situation. The emotions and thoughts you experienced and are now experiencing are identical to all who have gone through what you have. You're not alone in that. You're very self aware and your thoughts are clear. That will help you in overcoming the grief part of your recovery. Be proud of yourself for the strength and courage it took to leave and to overcome it. The best of luck to you. :-)