I know I'm in one now. It's verbal/emotional abuse. I think it's quite rare to actually find someone that isn't somewhat abusive but I've been around it my entire life maybe that's why I stay with it because it's all I know.
My husband buts me down, everything I do. And he try's to control me and he puts a lot of pressure on me when I spend any money on anything for myself. He makes me feel not worth it. But I won't let him make me feel that way and he's not crazy controlling where he would cut the credit card off unless I spent like 1000 bucks in a day.
I'm kind of waiting for him to cheat so I can leave on morals.. I'm also too scared to be by myself financially. Not that we make good money together we live like we're broke check to check. We just put a lot in savings and most money goes to bills.
Sophia117 Sophia117
22-25, F
14 Responses Aug 9, 2015

Hello Sophia, it's not good to be in an abusive relationship. Waiting for your hubby to cheat on you may never happen. It's best to leave on your own terms. I have had an abusive marriage and it brought me nothing but being unhappy and miserable. It's best to leave NOW than later. What if he starts to physically hurt you?? You don't know what goes on in his head, or what he plans to do to you. You're young, you can start a new life on your own. Get a restraining order on him so he can't come near you.

He wouldn't lay his hands on me. That's one thing I know for sure. I have tested him and pushed and pushed to ensure my physical safety.

I want to friends with him afterwards. I love him and enjoy his company when he isn't trying to make me feel bad. There is good and bad in him, like anyone. I'm not excusing him emotionally abusing me or excusing myself for taking it. It's not a life and death. Or black and white.

I know what I need to do.

then why do you say he emotionally abuses you if you loved him. If you loved this man who abuses you, you're not being smart. never push a person's buttons especially an abusive person.

😒 you don't understand my situation and I don't expect you to.
I love him because I do. I love my dad too though he abused me. I don't ever want to see him or be around him. But he's my dad the only one i have no matter how ******.

I love my husband but it doesn't mean I don't know we aren't good together he isn't good for me and I don't need to accept the abuse. Not every case is black and white or the same.

whatever. be dumb then

If you don't like what I do with my life than you're free to get the F out.

Don't try and tell me how to talk. You're not my role model, mom, or dad. You don't have the privilege to tell me what's right or wrong.

They didn't understand my circumstances and chose to judge me rather than help me. As many people do. I am not going to explain myself to you like I'm some child.

I'm allowed to respond any way when someone says I wasn't really abused and that I'm dumb.

So you can go now.

3 More Responses

I kept getting into abusive relationships and used to get annoyed about why I was attracting this sort of man. Then I went on a mission to improve myself and discovered the psychology of how our environment as children tends to be replayed in our adult life for the exact reason you stated - it's what we know. So we are attracted subconsciously to the people who will help us play our part. It has helped me recognise my own behaviours and, once I started to own my part in it, I started to change my reactions and my behaviours. This resulted in a change in my partner and now we are both on a way better path. Our relationship dynamics have changed and it is a lot nicer. If he had not had the maturity to grow and change with me then I would have left. It all starts with ourselves because we are the only person we can control. You have the control and the ability to change your situation. Google has all the info so you don't even need to pay for a therapist. Al Anon is one place where you can find people who have taken responsibility for their actions and have changed their lives. It's an awesome start and it's free...!!

I'm gonna tell you something I wish I was told. Leave them before they hurt you beyond repair. The first time your partner abuses you you drop them bc if they're willing to hurt you once then they can find ways to justify it again. If you're scared of being financially stable I can guarantee there is family and friends who can help out till you find a job with a steady income. I didn't learn my lesson on abusive relationships till I was being raped and nearly beaten to death.

It haven't met a physical level. But if he ever lays a hand on me I'm doing myself a favor and leaving.
I might just leave and tell everyone I'm a lesbian. I'm not a lesbian but it would be easier to say that than say my husbands emotionally abusive

You should leave no man should treat you like crap.

Lol get rekt

First you must understand that you deserve someone who does not abuse you in any way. Then you will start to change things. You should confront him about this. Just tell him how you feel. If he doesn't give you a real apology and if he doesn't obviously feel EXTREMELY bad for making you feel this way then you know what to do.

The longer you stay, the more you become emotionally beat down, the harder to leave.

:(

Not all guys are abusive. But I do believe a women should be submissive to her man. But they should also treat there women like a princess. Just one opinion. 😉

I believe every woman should be treated like a queen and every man like a king. But I don't do the "1950's" style. I love you you love me we support each other and have each other's backs no matter what.
You lift me up I lift you up. And we share the chores.

Well that's how we do it. The submissive part is something new were trying it's called a DD relationship. And I don't abuse my wife cause she had to be submissive but I do expect her to obey me cause I am the king of my castle. Lol 😎

You do you.

I do me very well. Lol.

1 More Response

YOU BETTER TALK TOO HIM LATER...

IM GOING YO AND I HAVE BEFORE. SO NO WORRIES.

Because they were. So I was talking to him/her in their language.

Ha thank you. I can be at times

He will never leave you or give you a reason to leave him because he is comfortable in this relationship. Unfortunately, you will have to do it.

I felt the same way when I was in my previous relationship ! I stayed for seven years, but leaving has best the decision I've ever made! I'm not going to lie and say it's easy , financially it's a huge struggle but I'm making it. Since being on my own I've met a great guy and I've come to see that they're men out there that are neither physically or emotionally abusive! Just know that if you decide to leave you can do it!

Thank you so much. This gives me hope that things will be okay afterwards.. And that I won't end up homeless.

Be proactive about everything & know your future is solid before you get out of there. Message me & I'll share some very helpful websites with you.

Sincerely George

You should not be living like that. Your already a much better person than he by not lowering your self to his standards. Keep your head held high and be proud of yourself for having the strength and courage to ask for prayers and support. The financial part is easier than most anyone thinks, it only takes a few simple changes to be financially free yourself. My prayers are with you! Sincerely George

Your welcome. Message me for more support and kind words of help & wisdom.

Always sincere George

so sorry to hear that you going through a tough time

I was in an abusive relationship when I was in high school. It was horrible. It went from taps to the face to breaking my wrist and my arm. He started to slap and pinch me. He didn't let any other guys talk to me. He hacked my Facebook and blocked everyone even my family. It was horrible. I tried ending it with him but that led to a black eye and a broken ankle. I can say I feel your pain. I'm sorry this happened to you. Guys are ******** who beat women. But I found someone better. Hope you can find your Prince Charming out there. Be strong