In some weird way I know you meant well. Even after my concussion. Even after feeling your relentless force. It's just that when you got really passionate about something you would sometimes turn into a monster. As I did. I'm not making excuses for you, I know the severity of the situation and I know that you took things too far. I know I haven't been the easiest to deal with and I know that's it's my fault too. all the times that you would help me through my anxiety, depression, and repressed memories. You helped me release so many of my blocks and brought a certain kind of clarity. The unstoppable force met the immovable object and that resulted in a beautiful baby boy. I'll always remember the breakfasts, lunches, and dinners in bed while I was pregnant and how much you helped me with my daughters. I'll always remember how you put up with my insecurities and my jealousy issues. I will always remember the little notes you'd leave me around the house and how you'd wake me up in the middle of the night to give me a picture you had made for me. I will always remember the romantic surprises you would make for me and how I was too tired to stay up and enjoy it all. I remember those nights when you would go and camp out in the backyard and water the plants that my uncle left behind, and I would water my flowers out front, and then we would meet up again, totally refreshed and grounded. Or that time you lost your glasses in the lake while running over to save serenity after she jumped in. You ran so fast. I remember how we didn't even talk much while we were there and how shy I was to be there in such a beautiful place with you. I remember how open and receptive I was to receive you and how your warmth seemed to envelope me. How we went from that to where we are now was a series of events that still keep me awake at night. I love you.

This is so hard. I know that we probably won't talk for a while because this is your second charge and you will be away for a while but I just wanted you to know that I am deeply sorry for this turning out the way it did. You came with good intentions and to look for work and I fell for you in the first week. I think that you felt the same way but I could see some hesitation because of past hurts. And you waited a bit because of this very thing. Because of how bad things can go when you don't feel it out. Because of my potential bullshit. A part of me feels like I dragged you into something so groundbreaking, something so full of so many upheavals that it was almost tragic. Yet still beautiful .You let me keep you and you loved me whole heartedly.They say soul mates are our greatest mirrors. They shine a light in all of the darkest corners and rip our hearts open to feel more. Ecstasy, agony, and everything in between. And that is what we had.

I am going away. when you get out, I wont be where you left me. I am going to a new town with an open heart and I am going to build a home and a life for our children that they will bloom and expand in. I sincerely hope that you find the peace and healing that you deserve, even if it is without me.

There was something deeper going on inside of you that I never understood. Those very eyes that were so full of love and light that I had fallen into when I had fallen in love with you, were also in pain. I will always miss the way we were.I will miss your special playlists of songs on your phone and hearing them from the backyard. I will miss blasting music in the car with you. I will miss you singing me "my love". I will miss holding your hand. And even the mundane tasks like grocery shopping or paying bills, I will miss doing those with you. You were my rock. You were chaos but you grounded me.

I could go on and on because our experience was so vast and full. I will never forget you. I love you.
wingedjaguar wingedjaguar
26-30, F
5 Responses Aug 24, 2015

I feel the love, the pain. I wish you all the best. God bless you amazing mom and woman. Much love to you ❤️❤️❤️

Love to you too.

i like your writing

thank you

yeah man



That's heavy. I don't know what to say. True story?


That's so deep and really well written. I hope everything works out. Good luck.

thank you!

2 More Responses

.. -looks at this- beautiful life

How brutally honest, I loved reading it. Hold on to those memories because they're priceless. I wish you the best in the future

thank you, I will.